Blogging A to Z — F: Family

It’s a cliché, I know. It gets said by so many people so many times. But that’s not going to stop me from saying it, too. Family is the most important thing in my life.

I learned very early on to appreciate family. There were always family birthday parties for me, my brother, and my cousins (and I had plenty of cousins — my mom is the oldest of 7 children; my dad is the oldest of 3). We always spent Christmas eve with my mom’s family and Christmas day with my dad’s family. We would visit my grandparents and my aunts and uncles regularly. And I loved every moment of it.

My husband comes from a large extended family as well, and he is pretty close to them, too, so marrying him was a good choice! And he is fairly close with his extended family as well.

My daughter has grown up being around her extended family, too. She has the same deep-rooted love of family that I do. She enjoys visiting all her extended family the same way I did as a kid and the way I still do.

I am probably loyal to a fault with my family. With only a very, very few exceptions, I love my extended family no matter what. Somehow I manage to overlook any of their faults, and I am fortunate that they seem to overlook mine, too. It doesn’t matter how old we are or how near or far we are, my family sticks together.

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Blogging A to Z: E — Exercise

I am sure that many people find it hard to believe that I exercise pretty regularly, being a fat chick and all. But I do. It’s 3 – 4 times a week, and I try to mix it up between running and other cardio. I exercise for lots of reasons. The main reason is for my health. I’m 47 and overweight with a history of diabetes and high blood pressure in my family. I don’t have diabetes, high blood pressure, or really any health problems except being overweight. I also want to be able to stay active, so being active will accomplish that! Of course I’d like to lose weight and look better, and maybe once I can really get me atrocious eating habits under control, I’ll be able to do that.

I’ve got a long, strange history with exercise. As a kid, I really wasn’t very active. I didn’t play sports or do dance or tumbling. I did play outside and ride my bike, so I never was an overweight kid. In high school, I tried to run track but it was a flop. I was slow and was plagued by shin splints so I dropped out. (Cue one of my parents with the story of how they spent all sorts of money on track spikes for me just to have me quit.) When I was little, my dad used to run and I would ride my bike with him while he ran. He eventually ran a marathon. Pretty damn awesome! So running always looked so cool but was elusive to me.

I’ve tried running so many times as a adult. I always had some problem, but one thing that was constant was the shin splints. They forced me to quit every time. Last year my husband decided to run a 5K and I became enraged with jealousy. It was really pretty pathetic of me, but I wanted to run a 5K, too. So I secretly started to try to run Again. For the umpteenth time. I started so slowly, like I could run for 60 seconds before I had to stop. And one day I realized my shins weren’t hurting. So I continued to slowly push myself and I was finally able to run 3.1 miles. My husband has been my biggest cheerleader. Every time I get ready to run, I wait for the moment when my shins start to scream in pain. Maybe it will happen one day, maybe not. Until then, I’ll just keep plodding along.

Generally speaking, I like to exercise. I like the way my body feels when its working. When I do something I didn’t think I can’t do, it’s an incredible high. I like knowing that my health is benefitting from my exercise.  As with almost any kind of exercising, the hardest part is just getting going. But once I get going, I never regret having done it!

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Blogging A to Z — D: Delhi Monkeys

Last June, I went to India for two weeks to visit my father. He lives in Mumbai, but we traveled to Delhi for some sightseeing. While in Delhi, we stopped at an ATM so I could get some money. While I was walking to the ATM, I heard a strange ruckus in the trees. It was like no sound I had ever heard, so I paused and much to my astonishment, a couple of monkeys fell out of the tree! Well, this was about the coolest thing I had even seen! Monkeys — falling out of trees — in a big city — outside an ATM — right in front of me! So I grabbed my phone and started snapping some pictures. But the one biggest monkey must not have liked that, or he didn’t like me (maybe because I was looking at him — eye contact bad???) because he charged toward me. Well, that scared me stiff!  I couldn’t move! The he appeared to relax, so like a dummy, I started taking more pictures.  He charged at me again, a little more aggressively. Our tour guide was practically hiding behind a pole and he said to me, “Renée, you’d best come here.” I wasn’t sure how to do that. I was afraid to turn my back on the monkey, but I couldn’t stand there, rooted to the ground, staring at him. I backed up slowly and managed to stay safe. I was quite nervous walking back to the car after hitting up the ATM, though!

While traveling in the mountains near Lonavala later in my trip, we came across more monkeys sitting on a bridge. A man was selling bags of peanuts that we could feed to the monkeys. May dad’s driver, Ahmed, got out of the car and bought some peanuts to feed to the monkeys. He coaxed me out of the car to feed them, too, despite my recent encounter with an aggressive monkey. He told me, “Don’t be afraid. These are Mumbai monkeys. They are nice. They are not mean like Delhi monkeys.” Of course, I fell for that because I fed some peanuts to those monkeys, which was one of the best memories I have of that trip!

Now we have a standing joke in my family about “Delhi monkeys” and “Mumbai monkeys”. I’ll never live any of that down, and I love it!

Me feeding a friendly Mumbai monkey.

Me feeding a friendly Mumbai monkey.

The mean Delhi monkey that charged me.

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Blogging A to Z: C — College

I am insanely jealous that my daughter is in college. I get so excited when she registers for classes. I love hearing the titles of the classes and getting the chance to look at the syllabi for her classes. I love seeing what her textbooks are. And it’s all because I love learning. When you hear educators talk about wanting their students to be “life-long learners”, well, the work on me was done a long time ago.

I have taken two grad classes so far this year. I try to take as many as I can. Because I love learning. I love getting the syllabus and the textbook. I love the homework — the reading, the researching, the writing. I love finishing a class and feeling like I learned something new. I have never taken a class where I didn’t learn something.

I have often said that if I win the lottery, I would quit my job and become a professional student. I’d get my doctorate. Then I’d take classes in every imaginable topic — business, economics, political science, history, philosophy, psychology, sociology, theology, medicine, law. I don’t care if it’s a class on a college campus or at an off-site location or online. I’d just learn and learn and learn.

I hope Becky enjoys her college experience, because I’m so jealous that she gets to learn so much!

Becky getting her books at the start of her freshman year.

Becky getting her books at the start of her freshman year.

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Blogging A to Z — B: Becky Boo

My daughter’s name is Becky — well, Rebekah.  I insisted that she be called Rebekah when she was born.  I dodn’t want anyone to call her Becky or Becca.  You can see where that got me.  Even I call her Becky now.  But I was staunch on the Becca thing.  For some reason, I don’t like that nickname.  Maybe it’s because when I see it I always think of Chewbacca (Becca is too close to the “bacca” part of Chewbacca).

Sometimes I look at my daughter and I am totally amazed at what an awesome human being she is.  I don’t mean that in a critical way; I mean I can’t believe how a couple of dingbats like Jim and I managed to successfully parent a child!  She has just the right amount of humility and the right amount of self-confidence.  She got good grades all through elementary and high school, and now she’s getting good grades in college.  She’s involved with a great deal of philanthropy through her sorority, in which she has a leadership position.  She has a small group of trusted friends and a huge appreciation for family.  She’s also got a great deal of empathy, which is very difficult to teach; it really just needs to come from within.

I can’t wait to see what the future holds for my daughter.  I can’t wait to see the kind of adult she becomes.  I know she will be successful.  She’s never been the kind of person where everything comes easy to her; she’s always had to work to get good.  And she’s got a good work ethic and she’s pretty tenacious.  With those qualities, my Becky Boo is going to make me proud!

Becky Boo and me at the 65 Roses Gala this past weekend in St. Louis

Becky Boo and me at the 65 Roses Gala this past weekend in St. Louis

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Blogging from A to Z — A: Animals

I just learned of this today from another blogger I follow.  The challenge is to write a post for each letter of the alphabet during April.  Here’s a link to what I learned on the site promoting this.  I might be a couple days late but I can get caught up right quick!  So I start with letter A, and I write about animals.

I have been an animal lover my whole life.  My mom had a Siamese cate when I was born, so my affinity has always been toward cats.  My first kitten was gray with white paws and I named him James.  Sadly, he died in an accident.  But I loved that little kitten!  Since then, I had a cat named Pussywillow (thankfully my parents steered me sway from the name I wanted to give the cat — PussyPaws!).   I had another cat that I found as a very young kitten abandoned on a highway exit ramp.  He was Monster Monster.  Then my brother brought home a cat that was hanging around the car wash where he worked.  That cat became Scooter (full name Scooter Pie feline).  Then I adopted barn cat sisters — very pretty calicos — named Misty and Shasta.  Shasta had to be put down recently, so I am now without a cat at home.

No worry — I like dogs, too!  My first dog was the sweetest little cocker spaniel named Wags.  Then came Cupcake.  Now I have two lively little dogs named Blanca and Zoe.

My pets have always been part of my family.  They have their own personalities.  They offer such unconditional love.  They are entertaining.  I know owning pets isn’t for everyone, but for me, they are a vital part of my life.  Having pets brings me happiness.

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THIS Is Why I Left

Actually, let me clarify my title.  It should really be, “THIS is One of the Reasons Why I Left” but that’s a bit long and cumbersome.  So I took some liberties with my own title.  I can do that.

Why I left where?  The Catholic church.  I have long been disillusioned by the Catholic church and its stance on many social issues.  About a year ago, I decided to make my break from the church official.

What is “THIS” in reference to?  Gay marriage/civil unions.  Let me start by saying I have no issues whatsoever with the Catholic church not performing gay marriages.  I don’t even have an issue with the Catholic church taking the stance that it officially disapproves of gay marriage.  It is clearly a religious organization, so the Church can makes its stance and the members of the Church can decide for themselves how they feel and act accordingly.  So I did not ever leave the Church because it is against gay marriage.

People talk about what a progressive thinker Pope Francis is, and I won’t deny that he certainly has a very different and often refreshing view.   That seemed apparent when I first saw the headline for this article: “Pope Francis wants church to study civil unions, Cardinal Dolan says.”  How open-minded of him!  I appreciate that he even has a desire to learn and understand, because it is learning and understanding that lead to acceptance.  This is a positive step.

Then I read this:

“When asked for his own views on same-sex marriage, Dolan said he is concerned it could ‘water down’ the sanctity of traditional marriage.

‘It’s not something that’s just a religious, sacramental concern,’ Dolan said. ‘It’s also the building block of society and culture. So it belongs to culture. And if we water down that sacred meaning of marriage in any way, I worry that not only the church would suffer, I worry that culture and society would.’ “

THIS is where I lose it.  I can’t abide that it’s just not enough to take a stand against it.  It also has to be the absolute breakdown of culture and society as well.  Why can’t the Church just stay out of our bedrooms?  Does the Catholic church have any idea what goes on in the beds of married people?  I doubt it because I’m betting the Church would predict the downfall of civilization based on common sex acts that occur.  Guess what, Church, some people have sex for reasons other than procreation (like PLEASURE), and there are LOTS of other ways to make sex feel good other than the missionary position.  Look out!  The world is spinning off its axis!!!!!!!!!

Now, I am fully aware that Pope Francis did NOT say these words, BUT someone who is speaking on behalf of the Catholic church DID say these words.  If his attitude is not the prevailing attitude of the Catholic church, then maybe the Pope needs to correct the Cardinal and set the world straight publicly.

Until then, I’m going to assume that the Catholic church has broadly adopted this unnecessarily calamitous view of homosexuality and gay marriage, and that is something I simply cannot tolerate.  It is narrow and hateful and prejudicial and uninformed and callous.

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Maybe I Am a Morning Person

I slept horribly last night so I didn’t go to the gym and run like I wanted to do.  So I decided to hit the indoor running track after work since we got done today at 1:15.  I was slightly leery of this since I always seem to have trouble running anytime but first thing in the morning.  But I set my mind to believe it was all going to be good.

And it was for the first five minutes.  Then the Achilles started to hurt and tighten up pretty badly.  I haven’t had this happen in a VERY long time.  Months.  And not long after that I started to feel it in my shins.  When I run in the morning, I NEVER have pain in my shins.  But it seems to ALWAYS happen if I run in the afternoon or evening.  So I ran some, walked some, and was miserable the whole time.  I could feel myself actually limping when I was walking.

If I need to work out any time other than first thing in the morning, I guess it will have to be at the gym because running can only be done in the morning, it seems.  Which sucks because when (well, IF) the weather gets nicer, I know my husband will run outside when he gets home from work and I’d so love to run with him.  Guess I will have to be resigned to riding my bike alongside him when he runs.

Okay, I’m done whining for now.

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Yes Means Yes; Everything Else Means No!

Yes means yes; everything else means no.

When it comes to consensual sex, why is that concept so damn difficult to understand?

If a man wants to have sex with a woman and she says yes, then there’s a green light.

If she’s drunk or high and says yes and then says no, stop, don’t, quit or becomes unresponsive or unconscious, that’s a no.

If she’s drunk or high and says no, that’s a no.

If she’s unconscious and can’t say yes, that’s a no.

If she doesn’t say definitively that she wants to have sex, she hems and haws and appears indecisive, that’s a no.

If she says yes and then says no, stop, don’t, or quit, that’s a no.  I don’t care if you were in the middle of something good.  It clearly wasn’t good for her.  So that’s a no.

If you buy her a nice expensive dinner and she’s dressed really sexy and she doesn’t want to have sex with you, that’s a no.  She doesn’t owe you.

If you take her on an expensive trip, buy her expensive gifts, spend lots of money on her and she doesn’t want to have sex with you, that’s a no.  She doesn’t owe you.

If she is dressed in super skimpy outfits and is grinding all over you on the dance floor and she doesn’t want to have sex with you, that’s a no.  She isn’t a tease.  She doesn’t owe you.

If she is parading around naked in front of you, putting things in your face and she doesn’t want to have sex with you, that’s a no.  She isn’t a tease or a slut.  She doesn’t owe you.

If she is your wife and she doesn’t want to have sex with you, that’s a no.  She doesn’t owe you.  She isn’t your property.  It’s not her duty.  You don’t have a right to her.

And for any other scenario I didn’t think up here, let me cover the bases simply: if a woman is of sound mind and communicative ability (she’s not drunk, high, mentally disabled, unconscious, unable to speak the language) and she does not give you a free and clear yes, then that’s a no.

When you try to have sex with a woman who is not providing a free and clear yes, you are committing rape, and it no longer becomes about sex.  It becomes about power and aggression and violence and anger and evil.

Teach this shit to your boys, parents.  I’m tired of reading articles like this.

Posted in Rants, Social Issues | 2 Comments

Year in Review — 2013

Ahhh, New Year’s Eve and the inevitable reflecting on the year that has gone by oh, so quickly.  Personally, I have noticed that time seems to go by so much more quickly since having a daughter.  Coincidence?  I think not!  But I had a helluva a year in 2013, so I’d like to reflect on it, especially all the things that mattered the most, that had the biggest impact on me this year.  So here are my top ten 2013 events, in no particular order:

1.) Miller Time.  I came on to the Blackhawks scene when my daughter left for college.  My husband needed a hockey buddy to take her place, so I stepped in, and one of the best side effects of that was meeting and becoming friends with Larry, Cathy, Steven, Liz, Brian, and Jess.  I have never met such high quality people, and I have never been so proud to call them my friends since meeting my friends Sara, Eric, John, and Janine.  I love my Miller time!!!!!!!!!!!!

2.) India trip.  I spent 2 weeks in India with my father, his wife, and her mother.  We spent time in Mumbai (where my dad lives), Delhi, and Agra.  It was the most memorable trip of my life.  I learned to appreciate a vastly different culture, found a new favorite food (paneer tikka masala), saw the Taj Mahal, met new, wonderful people, and saw sights that are burned in my mind forever.  I learned to appreciate the beauty in this world.  I learned to appreciate what I have in my life and what I have because I live in this country.  I loved that trip, and I actually loved India.  And I would love to go back.

3.) 65.  Very few people will know what that means.  It’s not 70.  But 65 is nothing to sneeze at.

4.) Running a 5K.  I ran my very first 5K.  At age 47.  As a fat chick.  In the snow.  It might have taken me almost an hour because of the snow I had to tromp through, but I did it.  I can’t wait to do another 5K this spring — not in the snow, in more like 45 minutes, still at age 47, a as a less fat chick than I am now!  I had incredible support from my husband and my friend Emily.  I couldn’t have felt more accomplished!

5.) Robyn.  My cousin and I had, shall we say, a bump in the road, at the start of 2013.  But we talked and communicated and listened and moved far beyond that bump.  I was really scared our relationship was damaged, but she and I are now closer than ever and I couldn’t love her more.  I count her among my very best friends and closest confidantes!

6.) My best friend and Jim’s best friend who had been married for 22 years went through a pretty wicked divorce this summer.  It tore both of us up to see what was going on with her, with him, and with their kids.  I am not happy they divorced, but I am glad it finally came to an end and that everyone has been able to move on.  All I wanted for my friends and their family was peace, and they finally have it.  It also gave jim and me an opportunity to inspect our own marriage, and I am always grateful for the chance to make my marriage stronger.  I am glad my friends now have their own lives and they can go about finding their own way in this world.  It was terribly painful to watch them fall apart in front of our eyes.

7.) My new job.  Anyone who knows me knows that there have been times where I haven’t liked my new job as Instructional Technology Resource Teacher a lot, mostly because I miss being in the classroom so much more desperately than I realized I would.  On the days I have my pity parties, I try to pull myself up and look at what I have gained from this new position — the opportunity to know my colleagues at other buildings better, and I have made some really wonderful friends with the 2nd grade team.  So while I miss having my own classroom full of kids every single day, I always have a brief bright spot somewhere in my day.

8.) Becky Boo.  My baby girl has done an incredible amount of growing up this year.  Even though sometimes she says silly things, (The Oakland Raiders aren’t from Oklahoma?) and does silly things (dish soap in the dish washer), she has also been elected vice president of programming for her sorority, earned recognition in her job that led to a promotion next semester, taken on the responsibility of mentoring a little sister in her sorority, and maintained good grades while being the kindest-hearted person I have ever know.  Who is this admirable young woman and what has she done with my baby girl????

9.) Without Charity.  Through my interaction with my newfound Blackhawks family, I have made so many new friends (see my blurb above about Miller time!).  One of the people I met that impressed me the most is Paul, who earned his MFA this summer by completing a documentary film called Without Charity (check out the website here).  I started to learn about his work and became immediately fascinated.  I even got to help Paul out a little tiny bit with his film!  I am convinced that he is one of the most intelligent and creative people I have ever met (and his wife Marcy is right up there with him!), and I am proud to brag that I know him!

10.) The Stanley Cup.  I was around for the 2010 Cup win.  I was happy for my husband and a little excited myself, but I wasn’t much of a hockey follower back then.  But I started to learn more about the game after 2010 and developed an interest in it (and therefore hopped on the bandwagon, horrors — damn bandwagon fans!).  I was afraid I would miss the finals because I was in India, but I was back in time for games 5 and 6.  I can recall so clearly the constant terror-clutching of Amy’s arm all through game 6 as we watched it with our Hawks family at a bar.  I remember the mind-scrambling excitement when the Hawks tied the game.  And the absolute chaos that ensued 17 seconds later when they took the lead and ended up winning.  It might seem silly to be so excited over a game, but for me, it was also about the camaraderie that had been built up that whole season, about the fun we had watching this very exciting team play hockey (I actually wrote about it here).

I am blessed to have so many good things and wonderful people in my life.  There were sad things that happened this past year — my friend and colleague Lori lost her husband to cancer; my best sounding board and coworker Janine lost her sister-in-law to cancer; my oldest friend Jennifer has watched her stepfather fight cancer (and he’s still fighting); I had to put my cat down after having her in our family for 17 years; I’ve had some personal crises that don’t need to be aired here.  But overall, the blessings outweighed the curses in 2013.  I am hoping 2014 holds the same lack of balance for me and for everyone!  Happy 2014, my friends!

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