Blogging A to Z — P: Pornography

Well, that got your attention, didn’t it?

I’m just gonna put it out there — I don’t know why people have hang-ups about porn. If you don’t like it, then don’t read it or watch it or look at it. It’s actually quite easy to avoid (unless, of course, you work with me — then it gets delivered to your inbox in the form of spam). If an adult you know — or adults you DON’T know — are accepting of pornography, it’s not your job to show them the evil of their ways. Indulging in pornography is a persona decision — much like what clothes you wear, how you wear your hair, or where you live. But it seems like whenever sex is tied to something, people love to judge others based on their own personal preferences.

Personal case in point: When my daughter was 18 and graduated from high school, she decided to read Fifty Shades of Gray. I posted something on Facebook about it — not even sure what it was now — and it caused one of my cousins (male) to attack me for allowing my child to read it. He questioned my morals as a parent and a woman, but all I could respond with was this: my daughter was 18 at the time. She was a high school graduate on her way to college. She was old enough to vote and go fight and die for her country, if she so chose (which she did consider at that age). She was old enough to watch porn, look at porn, buy porn, and make her own porn, but I was supposed to forbid her to read a book that practically every other adult female had read? Ridiculous and unnecessary. By the way, did I mention that he has no children and isn’t planning to have any? Yes, parenting advice about pornography from someone who hasn’t done anything more complicated than teach his dog how to roll over.

One other case in point that has been in the media lately: The “Duke Porn Star”. Here’s a woman who decided on her own to do porn films as a way to finance her college education (by the way, estimated cost of attending Duke is $61,404). She didn’t advertise it, but when a classmate saw one of her films, he outed her and thus began the shaming of a young woman who is clearly intelligent (last I knew, Duke wasn’t known for admitting idiots — remember, we’re not talking about their athletic program right now) and made an adult decision about how to manage her debts (something way too many Americans have no idea how to do or even have the inclination to do).  But since being exposed, her family has been threatened, she has received death threats, and she has been called a slut and all conceivable synonyms as well as receiving threats of rape. All for doing porn?????? And from people who have probably watched all sorts of porn, including hers!!!!!!!  My God, the hypocrisy and judgement is nauseating!

Everyone is entitled to their opinions, and they are also entitled to share them. But I’ve got a problem when your opinion spills over into pronouncing judgment upon me. So if you don’t tell me how much you despise porn, I won’t tell you how much I enjoy it.

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Blogging A to Z — O: Over

I am 47 years old and I know there are some things that are just OVER. Some are easy to get past and give up; some are a little more difficult and disappointing.

 

Ten things I know are over:

1. Any hope of being skinny — or at least not fat. I exercise but not enough, and I eat well inconsistently. I can’t seem to harness the good habits I had for a short time a while ago. So I just keep trying and hope the health benefits I seem to be getting make up for not looking good in a swim suit.

2. Education like it used to be. Everything is different. The kids. The curriculum. The teachers. The administrators. The parents. When I started teaching, I felt like there was a good balance between all the elements listed. But now the balance has shifted to kids who don’t see any value in education, curriculum that is cumbersome for students AND teachers, teachers who see education on a self-destructive path but are too frightened of retribution or too beaten down to do anything about it, administrators who are either too punitive or totally dis-involved with what is happening with their schools, and parents who think teachers do everything wrong and their kids who do everything right.

3. My love for Bon Jovi. I used to be a rabid fan, but too many plays of “You Give Love a Bad Name” and “Wanted” have killed it. There are a few songs I still enjoy, but generally speaking, Bon Jovi holds little interest for me.

4. Windows. At least in my home. I’m forced to use them at work, but I will be damned if a computer that runs Windows will ever be used in my home again.

5. Babies — at least my own. That one has been a goner for quite a while. After I had Becky, i had only one brief moment in time where I thought having another baby would be a good idea. That quickly passed. One and done. I stopped when I knew I hit the jackpot 🙂

6. Regular pop. It is way, way, way too sweet. Maybe someday I’ll be able to give up pop altogether, but until Diet Coke from McDonald’s tastes crappy, I’m still drinking the diet pop!

7. Having a cat. I had to put my last cat down less than a year ago. She was 17 years old. We got her when Becky was 2 years old. I miss having a cat, but I’ve got 2 dogs who keep me occupied. Once they’re gone, I’m probably done with pets altogether. That will be weird, because I’ve had a pet pretty much my entire life.

8. Reading regular books. Well, maybe this isn’t completely over, but it gets closer all the time. I don’t deny loving going to the book store and flipping through the pages of a book, but I read so much so often, that it’s so much more convenient to use digital books. The times where I feel like I really need a traditional book are getting fewer and farther between.

9. Life without social networking. Now that I have things like Facebook and Twitter in my life, I won’t live without it. I know that social networking gets such scorn from so many people (“Everyone is glued to their phones, nobody knows how to communicate with each other anymore”), but I can’t say enough good things about it. Facebook and Twitter have given me the opportunity to keep in close contact with my daughter and keep up with her life while she’s away at college, and it has let me stay in contact with friends from high school and college as well as family members who I would have lost connections with had it not been for social networking. Sorry haters, I love it and it has allowed me to maintain some meaningful relationships that I would have had it not been for the Internet/social networking.

10. Certain relationships. Ive got a few that are just over and as many that are over the way they used to be. Not naming names. But some people I just don’t want to have contact with anymore (or they don’t want to have contact with me), and some people our relationships have changed — sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. Some relationships were weak and now they’re strong. Some were toxic and needed to end or be changed. Some started out really good and turned sour. Some were my fault. Some were not.

So, in the words of Eric Church — it’s just over when it’s over, ain’t it, baby, ain’t it?

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Blogging A to Z — N: Nebraska

Nebraska isn’t a state that a lot of people give much thought. Most people think of Nebraska as flat, boring, and “podunk”. Well, as someone who lived in Nebraska for about 6 years, I can tell you that, yes, there is a LOT of flat emptiness in Nebraska, and yes, you will find plenty of “podunk” there, but Nebraska has plenty to offer if you know where to look!

Omaha is where I lived, and it is not at all what people think of when they think of Nebraska. Omaha is not at all flat — it’s really quite hilly because it is on the Missouri River. Omaha is home to one of the best zoos I’ve ever visited — Henry Doorly Zoo. It also has a terrific art museum, Joslyn Art Museum. Omaha is also home to Creighton University, a highly rated school. In addition, students can attend University of Nebraska at Omaha if they don’t want to attend University of Nebraska in Lincoln, a few short hours away from Omaha (GO HUSKERS!!!!!!!). In addition, right on the edge of Omaha is Offut Air Force Base  and Strategic Air Command (SAC). I remember visiting there and seeing the Thunderbirds perform. It was one of the most memorable events of my life! Sadly, you can’t watch horse races at Ak-Sar-Ben anymore though. Any guesses as to how Ak-Sar-ben got its name?????

Here are some fun facts about Nebraska:

  • President Gerald R. Ford was born in Omaha.
  • Nebraska’s state beverage is milk.
  • Nebraska’s state soft drink is Kool-Aid, which as developed by Edward Perkins in Hastings, NE, in 1927.
  • The College World Series is played in Omaha.
  • Kearney, Nebraska, is located exactly between Boston and San Francisco.

Hopefully you see that Nebraska is so much more than flat land! If you get the chance, spend a few days there, especially in Omaha, and you’ll develop and appreciation for this state which really is at the heart of this nation!

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Blogging A to Z — M: Miller Time

I’m definitely not talking about the beer! I’m talking about my friends. Since becoming involved with the Blackhawks games when my daughter left for college and my husband needed an new companion for the games, I have gotten to know the Millers and have found their friendship to be one of the bright spots in my life. Going to the Blackhawks games just isn’t quite as fun if I don’t get to see the Mills. I’ve gotten to enjoy trips out of town with them, birthday parties, time at their campground in Indiana, and great nights of socialization. I’ve also been fortunate enough to see two members of the Miller family launch their own brewery practically from the inception of the brewery, which has been incredibly exciting to see. How often do you get to see the fulfillment of someone’s dream in real time? (The other perk is getting to drink all the great SlapShot Brewing beer — I highly recommend Stick to the Nuts!!!)

What good fortune my husband had finding them through Blackhawks hockey, and what good fortune I’ve had to be able to ride on Jim’s coattails right into some of the best friendships I’ve had in my whole life with some of the funnest, funniest, and kindest people you’ll ever want to meet!

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Blogging A to Z — L: Lips of an Angel

The song “Lips of an Angel” by Hinder was released in 2006 and was a huge hit. My husband once asked me why I liked the song so much, and in fact, he wondered why so many women liked the song so much. If you listen to the lyrics, it is clear that the man singing is in a relationship with a woman but he still has feelings for his ex, who is also in a relationship now with someone else. It can be surmised that she still has feelings for the narrator of the song since she is taking a risk in calling him. My husband can’t figure out why so many women liked a song about a guy who is kind of acting like a cad. Fair question.

Here was my response to him.

I told him that for me, I loved the song so much because I thought it would be romantic to be so loved and missed by someone that he would write a song about me that sounded like this.  To me, some of the words are so sweet and so pretty. Parts of the song are wistful. And it’s a kind of a turn on. It’s sexy. If I imagined myself as the girl who’s sleeping and doesn’t know my guy is talking to his ex, then the song would piss me off. But if I imagine myself as the one who is the angel that he’s dreamt of, the song makes me melt.

If you’ve gotten to this point in this post, you might be wondering why I wrote about such a ridiculously fluffy topic. “Lips of an Angel”? Really? Yes, really. Here’s why: music is hugely important in my life. Music is absolutely reflective of my mood and my mindset. If anyone wanted to figure out what I was thinking or feeling, simply pay attention to the music I am listening to at the moment and I become pretty transparent. So now feel free to psychoanalyze me, if you wish, about what “Lips of an Angel” must be saying about me.

 

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Blogging A to Z — K: KKKKK (as in 5K)

I am writing this just after finishing a 2 mile run. The weather is perfect for an outdoor run — mid 50’s, slight breeze, slightly overcast. And I felt good the entire 2 miles. My running has been inconsistent lately, so I often have to stop and walk for a few minutes, but not today. I was completely in a zone. I may be slow, averaging a 14 – 15 minute mile, but I simply don’t give a damn about my speed. I am amazed that I can actually run 2 miles. The fact that I can do it at all is enough for me. I don’t have to do it quickly or look pretty doing it!

I ran my very first 5K last December. It had snowed the night before and part of the course was total snow so I couldn’t run the whole thing. It was a tough race the day I did it, but now I look back on it and think, “What a great story to tell for your first 5K.” I wrote about it here if you want to read about it.

I am looking forward to running another 5K. The one I did in December was a small race. I’d like to find other small races. I went with my husband when he ran the Hot Chocolate last year. That was insanity. So. Many. People!!!! Maybe I’ll consider running a big race in September — my cousin likes to run the Chicago half marathon and I always go to cheer him on. They also have a 5K that day, too, so maybe I’ll run that 5K.

I like running. I just wish that it “felt” more consistent. Some days when I run, I feel invincible, like I did this morning. Other days, I feel like I am going to die after 30 seconds and every step is a challenge. I don’t expect it to be easy, but I wish it was more predictable.

Maybe I’ll just keep on running and finding 5Ks I want to do and not worry about easy or hard.

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Blogging A to Z — J: Janine

Janine is probably the best friend I’ve ever had. I’ve worked with Janine for close to 20 years, and we are so similar in our teaching styles, we could practically be twins — but I readily admit she is so much better at what she does that I could ever be!

My two favorite things about Janine are her laugh and her honesty. Janine has the most infectious laugh. When she finds something really funny, she has this terrific, giggly laugh that makes you want to laugh right along with her.

Her honesty is what I appreciate the most about her. Some people don’t like people who are blunt and to the point. I’m not one of those people. I love it when people tell me exactly what they think because I never have to guess where they stand. Janine is like that. She is one person I never have and never will have to play games with — there is no drama with her. That’s refreshing in an age where ovaries equate drama.

I’ve had some great times with Janine. We have gone on vacation together….Well, it’s sort of like vacation. We’ve chaperoned 8th grade trips to Washington, D.C., together, so it’s a vacation with 60 14-year-olds! We attend each other’s parties for kids’ birthdays and milestones. Jim and I play cards with Janine and her husband John (which, by the way, we actually need to do soon because it’s been a long time!). She has listened to me and my crises, and I listen to her and her crises. I truly couldn’t ask for a better person to call a best friend.

On one of the numerous 8th grade trips to DC. Janine is in the red; the rest are my kick-ass colleagues!

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Blogging A to Z — I: India

 

An example of the garbage. Actually, I didn't even notice the garbage until I showed this picture to someone who pointed it out to me. You become quite accustomed to it in India.

An example of the garbage. Actually, I didn’t even notice the garbage until I showed this picture to someone who pointed it out to me. You become quite accustomed to it in India.

A teeny, tiny taste of the traffic. It's like this All. The. Time.

A teeny, tiny taste of the traffic. It’s like this All. The. Time.

As I have written about before, last summer I spent 2 weeks in India visiting my father who has been living and working there for a little over 2 years now. It was the most memorable trip of my life (so far — and I have a hard time believing anything will top it).

Common questions I get from people when I tell them I visited India…..

Did you like it? Yes, very much so. It absolutely changed my perspective in life.

What was your favorite part? The very small taste of what it is like to live there, at least from an American expat experience. When you spend only a few days somewhere on vacation, you tend to cram all the tourist-y stuff in to those days. I was there for 15 days, so we had days where we did toursit-y things, of course, but we had days of just relaxing or going to the grocery store or grabbing a bite to eat. I felt all the energy of living in a big city — it is alive every hour of the day. I heard traffic from the 27th floor of my dad’s apartment building at lunchtime and at 3:00 in the morning. I loved being in a place that felt so alive.

What struck you the most? A number of things. The traffic — still scares me when I think of it! But I also learned patience in that traffic! When people complain of traffic jams here, I chuckle to myself and think, “Honey, you don’t know what traffic really is.” The dichotomies — it is a place so filled with beautiful colors, the clothing, even the trucks on the road, so many rich colors! And the filth. Garbage is everywhere. The wealth — some beautiful architecture and buildings. And the poverty — so far beyond the poverty we see in this country. We don’t get children banging on your car windows begging for food at a stoplight here.

The craziness of how these guys are riding notwithstanding, I was struck by the colors of their clothes. In the US, neither men nor women would wear such bright combinations of colors, but it is a common sight in India, which I loved!

The craziness of how these guys are riding notwithstanding, I was struck by the colors of their clothes. In the US, neither men nor women would wear such bright combinations of colors, but it is a common sight in India, which I loved!

Would you ever go back? In a heartbeat! But I fear it’s a trip of a lifetime because it’s an expensive venture to get out to India.

India is never someplace I dreamed of going, but now that I’ve done it, I’m forever changed and forever grateful for the experience.

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Blogging A to Z — H: Homework

One of the hottest topics debated in education is homework. How much, if any at all? What kind? How should it be graded, if at all? For what it’s worth (and lately, I get the feeling that what teachers think about topics in education doesn’t matter one bit — but that’s another blog post), here are my thoughts on homework.

Should students get homework? Yes. But teachers need to use discretion when assigning homework. It’s ridiculous to give homework just because you think kids need it every night. Assign it as necessary. And make it relevant. To me, acceptable homework assignments include things like reading some pages from a book, reviewing for a test, doing practice problems to review the lesson learned that day, working on a long-term project, developing study aids like flash cards or graphic organizers, or completing a writing assignment.

How much? I have always like the “10 minutes times your grade” method of calculating how much homework a student should get. This formula means kids in 1st grade would get 10 minutes of homework at night. Kids in 5th grade would get 50 minutes. Kids in 10th grade would get 100 minutes. You get the idea. Those times seem reasonable for the ages of the students.

Should homework be graded? Well, yes, if it can be. Reading a chapter from a novel can’t be graded, but completing 5 math problems can be. However, to me, the grade should be more to inform my instruction. It should not be punitive, meaning it shouldn’t punish the student for not doing the work or be detrimental to the student’s grade if it has mistakes. But it also shouldn’t be used for inflation, meaning that students shouldn’t have their grade skewed in favor of good homework scores when more formalized assessments (like unit tests) aren’t similar. I think counting homework scores for no more than 10% of a student’s overall grade for a class is plenty of weight.

Homework is a type of informal assessment when used properly by the teacher. It allows the teacher to get a glimpse into what a student can accomplish on his or her own. Students and parents will be more open to getting homework done and done properly and well if it isn’t cumbersome or irrelevant.

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Blogging A to Z — G: Gay Rights (or as I like to call them, CIVIL RIGHTS)

Me and my cousin Peter at the Chicago Gay Pride Parade in 2007 (I think that's the year)

Me and my cousin Peter at the Chicago Gay Pride Parade in 2007 (I think that’s the year)

A little more than a decade ago, something happened that made me feel so incredibly honored. My cousin Peter came out of the closet — and I was the first family member he told. To this day, I am still so grateful that he put enough trust in me to tell me, and I can clearly remember exactly the change in his voice when he heard me have the reaction he needed to have — which was a shoulder shrug and no reaction because his being gay simply didn’t change one thing about the high-quality human being he was and is.

It has been easy to see since his coming out that he has fully grown into the person he truly is. I can’t even imagine what it must be like to have to hide a part of your identity because of fear of acceptance, and even out of fear of violence from total strangers. His coming out did a lot for me, too, because it opened my eyes to the fight that the LGBT community had on their hands to have the same rights everyone else has. I never gave a fig about if someone was gay or straight, but I really had no idea how rampant the hatred, bigotry, prejudice, and injustice was for people like my cousin Peter.

Now that I understand so much better, I consider myself an advocate for those who are LGBT. I don’t hide my acceptance and love of people whose orientation is different from mine. I will speak out on behalf of that segment of our society. It is truly amazing how my perspective deepened once someone I loved and cared about was suddenly faced with hatred and prejudice and discrimination simply because he was born gay. It really makes the need for equal rights for all citizens glaringly obvious.

My daughter would like to work someday in the gay rights arena. My fervent wish for her is that work on behalf of LGBT individuals is not necessary and she will have to find some other line of work for herself — what a wonderful problem that would be for her and our whole society!

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