Mean People Suck

Posted on August 4, 2014 by renbog

I have decided I am sick of mean people.

I am sick of mean kids. Being a teacher, I see it more often than I would like to. I see kids of all ages call other kids names or make fun of other kids. I see girls tear apart other girls over their clothes or round up a gang and exclude a girl, reducing her to tears and laugh about it.

I am sick of mean adults. Adults who look down their noses at others because they don’t make enough money or live in the right ZIP code or wear the right labels on their clothes are nauseating and crappy role models for their kids. I am tired of having to hide who I vote for in elections or what I do for a living or how I feel about social issues for fear of being attacked by total strangers or, even worse, by people I know.

I am tired of internet trolls, people who talk out their asses online under pseudonyms and have nothing productive to say. Sadly, social media has given every jackass in the free world a platform to spew their hatred and misinformed opinions as fact.

In case you’re thinking I’m being hypocritical because you’ve been around me in my snarky moments, I would say I’m really not being a hypocrite. Everyone is mean at times, myself included. But I don’t idle at mean. I’m not malicious at heart. I don’t go out of my way to make people feel small. I try to be open-minded about people I meet. I try to respectfully disagree when I find myself in a discussion with someone. If I have something snarky or gossipy to say, I keep it to myself or a very select audience, like my husband who, by the way, can balance me out nicely at times since he tends to be very Pollyanic about people. When I am feeling mean, I try not to let the whole world see my meanness. A little over a decade ago, I was a hateful person. Hate consumed me. I was miserable to be around and I was exhausted. I decided not to be like that anymore. So when I feel myself being overtaken by negativity, I remember how black it makes me inside. So no, I’m not being a hypocrite. “Mean” is not a personality trait I have.

But I am sick of the mean people, and calling them out as mean doesn’t help. In fact, it seems to invigorate them, like it’s a badge of honor to be mean. So I guess I will just whine about it here while the mean people carry on.

Posted in Rants | Leave a comment

It’s All in the Spin

Posted on May 7, 2014 by renbog

Saw this on Twitter this morning. A parent was arrested for disorderly conduct at a school board meeting where he was protesting a book his daughter was reading. Let me get this out of the way first — I think having this man arrested was ridiculous. There is certainly a news story in his arrest because of how utterly ludicrous it was to arrest him. That being said, I wish that someone (and I know damn well it won’t be Fox News despite how “fair and balanced” they are) would pick up the sub-story, which is censorship.

The novel being questioned, Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult, is one of my favorite books. It is the first book I read by her and it knocked the wind right out of me. As a teacher of junior high aged students and as someone who is active in the anti-bullying work in my district (for me, specifically I work on cyberbullying education), I was riveted by the topic of the book and the issues it raised. It is a great companion book to another novel I loved the moment I read it, Give a Boy a Gun by Todd Strasser.

Nineteen Minutes is a book written for adults; it is a mainstream novel. Give a Boy a Gun is considered a young adult novel, written more for teens. I’m not sure there is an agenda in Nineteen Minutes beyond realizing that there are always many facets to any story; there is a clear gun control agenda in Give a Boy a Gun. I taught Give a Boy a Gun to my 7th graders for many years; I did get parental permission because I was working with 12 and 13 year old students. All parents except one allowed their children to read the book. When I taught my own daughter in 7th grade, she read Give a Boy a Gun. Until I started teaching the novel House of the Scorpion by Nancy Farmer, Strasser’s novel was the students’ favorite and it generated some of the best discussions about bullying I’ve ever had with students. I suggested to many of my students who got a lot out of reading Give a Boy a Gun that they read Nineteen Minutes, but I also cautioned them that it is a grown-up book and that they shouldn’t read it of their parents preferred they didn’t read adult books yet. Because remember, I was dealing with 12 and 13 year olds.

High school kids are a different breed. Many controversial books with adult content get read in high schools because the novels have value and worth in their theme or purpose. Just check out this list of the most challenged books of the 21st century. High school is where social consciousness in students — who happen to be on the brink of adulthood — really starts to flourish, and reading novels that raise awareness of issues helps this social consciousness develop. Nineteen Minutes is definitely a book that can help students become more aware of themselves and their behavior and their treatment of others as well as find ways to help others who need some care, concern, or assistance.

I’m betting neither Megyn Kelly, Trace Gallagher, nor the parent at the board meeting bothered to read the entire book. Instead, they chose to focus on page 313 and take that one page and that one snippet from the scene that is on page 313 and castigate the entire book. In fact, Gallagher encourages people to read just that one page and make their own judgment on the value of the content of the book. Why should I be surprised that people are so willing to lift something small from a larger work and take it out of context to twist it to fit their own personal agenda? People love doing this.

If the student wants to opt out of the book or the parents want their student to opt out of the book, I’m betting the teacher would be fine with that and come up with an alternate assignment. That’s what I did for the one student who wasn’t allowed to read Give a Boy a Gun (my favorite thing about that incident was how the parent told me what a dreadful, harmful mother I was for allowing my own daughter to read such filth). I have no issues with opting out; however, I would have had an issue if that parent wanted to remove the book from the curriculum. This makes me think of what Captain Beatty said to Guy Montag in Fahrenheit 451:

“Colored people don’t like Little Black Sambo. Burn it. White people don’t feel good about Uncle Tom’s Cabin. Burn it. Someone’s written a book on tobacco and cancer of the lungs? The cigarette people are weeping? Burn the book. Serenity, Montag. Peace, Montag. Take your fight outside. Better yet, into the incinerator. Funerals are unhappy and pagan? Eliminate them, too. Five minutes after a person is dead he’s on his way to the Big Flue, the Incinerators serviced by helicopters all over the country. Ten minutes after death a man’s a speck of black dust. Let’s not quibble over individuals with memoriams. Forget them. Burn them all, burn everything. FIre is bright and fire is clean.”

Let’s get rid of anything that offends anyone. Once we do that, there won’t be anything left to read.

Posted in Education, Rants, Social Issues | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Blogging A to Z — Z: Zing Zang

Posted on April 30, 2014 by renbog

Here we are, at the end of the alphabet, and what better way to celebrate than with a drink?

My friends the Millers that I referenced in my post for the letter M introduced me to the bloody mary mix that changed my life — Zing Zang. I’ve always enjoyed bloody marys, probably because I love the stuff that garnishes a bloody mary — anything and everything, including pickles, celery, olives, shrimp, bacon, Slim Jims, beef jerkey, pepperoni.

Many, many years ago there was a restaurant in my small local town called Curly’s, and beside being known for their huge, delciious Curly Burger, they quickly became known for Jerry’s bloody marys. Now, I know some will debate this, but Jerry taught me the importance of vodka in a bloody mary. He told me that his bloody marys were so good because he was using a better vodka. I had always had my bloody marys with Smirnoff (which I personally do not care for); Jerry was making his with Absolut. Some people say the vodka doesn’t make a difference; I say oh, hell yes it does! Absolut is the “lowest” vodka I will drink now. Left to my druthers, I’m drinking Belvedere; after that, I’ll take Ketel One. I spent years thinking a bloody mary was all about the vodka.

Until the Millers talked about Zing Zang. This is one delicious bloody mary mix! No need to create your own homemade concoction — it won’t beat Zing Zang! No need to doctor up the Zing Zang — except maybe a little extra olive juice if you so crave (like I do). This mix is awesome on its own with a good quality vodka. I am pretty much to the point where I just can’t enjoy a bloody mary unless they are using Zing Zang to make it.

Celebrate the end of Blogging A to Z and the end of April with a tasty bloody mary — and maybe wash down a few oysters while you’re at it! Cheers!

Posted in Blogging A to Z | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Blogging A to Z — Y: Yes

Posted on April 29, 2014 by renbog

I know I’ve written about this before, but I think it’s important enough to write about again. I heard a news story this morning about the newly launched website Not Alone: Together Against Sexual Assault. I am not the least bit interested in any kind of debate about the good, bad, or otherwise of the federal government being behind this site, so keep those comments to yourself. In the report, a startling statistic was offered: 1 out of every 5 girls is sexually assaulted in college, often by someone she knows and most likely in her freshman or sophomore year. Mix that with the recent story about Harvard telling a student/victim of sexual assault to forgive her assailant (also a Harvard student) and the other recent story about the sick culture of rape surrounding an unofficial yet unchecked fraternity at American University, this mom of a daughter finishing her sophomore year of college is pretty freaked out.

So as I mentioned in a previous post, I’d like to reiterate that if you’re a guy who wants to have sex with a girl, the only way it is okay is if she offers an unencumbered “YES”. That means she’s not drunk, high, or otherwise incapacitated wither by her own doing or anyone else’s. That means she is fully conscious and aware of what she is doing and what you are doing and of her surroundings. That also means that if at any time whatsoever she changes her “YES” to a “NO” you must stop. I don’t care how good it feels. I don’t care how backed up you are (I love that ridiculous “excuse”). “YES” means “YES” unless it becomes “NO”. And “NO” is always “NO”. It doesn’t become a “YES” if she is coerced or cajoled into sex. It doesn’t become a “YES” if she doesn’t say “NO”. It doesn’t matter how the girl is dressed — or if she is dressed at all. A naked girl on your bed saying “NO” to sex doesn’t mean “YES” because she’s naked and on your bed. It doesn’t matter how much or how little alcohol the girls drinks. Sex without a direct “YES” is sexual assault/rape, and at that point it isn’t even about sex. Now it’s about the power and control the guy has over the girl. The sexual act is the weapon used to harm.

And while I’m on my soap box, more men need to speaking out about this. Too many people discount this issue when women talk about it — they see it as sour grapes or some other nonsense.

Sex without a “YES” is not sex. It is rape. End of discussion.

Posted in Blogging A to Z, Rants, Social Issues | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Blogging A to Z — X: Bowling

Posted on April 28, 2014 by renbog

X for Bowling? Think STRIKE! Yeah, I used that one in my grandmother’s eulogy, too. X is a hard letter to write for.

Bowling has been a way for me to spend time with family for more than 20 years. My husband and I were in a bowling league with my parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles before we were married. In fact, the day after Jim and I got married, we didn’t leave for a honeymoon (we never took one); we went and bowled in our league.

My cousin Robyn is constantly using the mantra, “It’s not about what you’re going; it’s about who you’re with,” every time we are stuck doing something miserable together. This mantra fits bowling quite a bit! My average is 120, and that’s about as high as it has ever been. I tell people the most consistent thing about my bowling is my lack of consistency. I have been known to bowl a 122 in game 1, an 88 in game 2, and a 179 in game 3.

My husband quit bowling with the family a few years ago partially because he wan’t a terrific bowler, either, and that made it pretty un-fun for him. Not me. I like it. I don’t care that I’m not any good. I like the family time.

And now to see if anyone I bowl with reads this, I have just one thing to say: B.J. Honeycutt?

Bowling: it’s definitely not about what I’m doing; it’s about who I’m with!

Posted in Blogging A to Z | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Blogging A to Z — W: Wonderful

Posted on April 26, 2014 by renbog

 

Isn’t it odd how some things stay with you for no apparent reason? The song “Wonderful” by Everclear is one of those things that has stayed with me, but this post isn’t really about this song, but rather it’s a springboard.

I clearly remember the first time I heard this song and saw the video. It was the summer of 2000 and I was visiting my parents in Ohio and we were at King’s Island. I was standing in line with my dad to ride The Beast (my favorite roller coaster in the whole world, BTW) and there were video monitors in the queue that played music videos to watch while you waited for the ride. This video came on and I listened to the words as I watched the video. It struck me as heartbreakingly sad and for some reason, the song stayed with me.

One year later, that song became slightly prophetic when my parents split up and eventually divorced after more than 30 years of marriage. Suddenly, I was able to identify with way too many lines in that song.

“Close my eyes and count to ten, hope it’s over when I open them.”

“I wish I could count to ten, make everything be wonderful again.”

“I go to school and I run and play. I tell the kids that it’s all okay. I laugh aloud so my friends won’t know when the bell rings I just don’t wanna go home.”

“I don’t believe you when you say everything will be wonderful someday.”

“I don’t wanna hear you say that I will understand someday.”

“I don’t wanna hear you say you both have grown in a different way.”

“I just want my life to be the same, just like it used to be.”

“Some days I hate everything, everyone and everything.”

And hate I did. I hated everyone. I hated my mom, my dad, and my dad’s eventual wife, Brenda. It literally ate me alive. I was sick. I was awful to people. I was eroding my relationships with my family, my friends, my husband, my daughter. I was black on the inside. And I was so, so exhausted. Hating is an ugly thing and it makes a person ugly in every way.

Literally, one morning I woke up and told myself that I simply could not control this situation and I had to stop trying and I couldn’t hate anymore.

So I stopped.

And it was the most liberating thing I ever did in my whole life.

It opened me up to love my parents again. It opened me up to love Brenda and her family as I have gotten to know so many of them. It allowed me to heal my relationships. It allowed me to see the good in the people around me and in the world. I am eternally grateful, too, for the patience my parents and Brenda and my family and friends showed me during that time of my life. I am sure I wasn’t easy to be around. I’m so glad they are all still here today.

Certainly my life isn’t perfect, but I think overall I can say that everything is wonderful now.

Posted in Blogging A to Z | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Blogging A to Z — V: Vasectomy

Posted on April 25, 2014 by renbog

I hope I’m not committing some faux pas by saying my husband had a vasectomy a number of years ago. It took some coaxing but he did it. And if HE can get one, ANY man can get one — love you, babe 🙂

I don’t understand the resistance men have to vasectomies. If it’s time, just do it. Is is fear of pain? They do them without needles and scalpels now (that’s how my husband’s was done). It’s not necessary to sit around with a bag of frozen peas under your balls anymore. You even get valium before the procedure!

Is it some homophobic thing, you don’t want a man handling your balls? Get over it. The doctor has seen balls before; trust me, yours aren’t half as enticing as you think they are.

Are you afraid of having a woman doctor? I can’t even fathom this fear. Not even worth discussing. Is it a sexist thing? Is it a woman touching you thing? Forget it. I can’t even wrap my head around it.

Is it because you think it’s humiliating to go through the procedure? Do NOT even say that. Three things:

  1. Paper nightgown. Feet. Stirrups. Speculum.
  2. Contracting uterus. Baby. Push and poop. Episiotomy.
  3. Boobs. Metal plates. Smash.

Do not speak of how humiliating it would be to have a vasectomy. Women have you so so beat.

Is it so you can keep your options open? Gimme a break. Like your wife is going to leave you a widower at age 74 and you’re going to find some hot 24 year old who wants to have your baby. If you really do want to keep your options open, go make some deposits at a sperm bank.

Religious reasons? Not even going there because I cannot be polite.

Is it just laziness or because you just don’t want to? Well, has it occurred to you that maybe your wife

  1. Doesn’t want to take birth control anymore — there are risks and side effects, you know.
  2. Doesn’t like condoms either.
  3. Doesn’t want to use natural family planning (because you know what they call people who use natural family planning….)
  4. Doesn’t want to have a much-more-complicated-and-invasive-than-a-vasectomy surgical procedure.
  5. Couldn’t get one of those surgical procedures from her doctor even if she wanted one. They tend not to be elective if you’re speaking of a hysterectomy in any form.

Come on, men. If your wife has been nagging you for a vasectomy, man up! It will be just fine.

Posted in Blogging A to Z, Rants | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Blogging A to Z — U: Underwoods

Posted on April 24, 2014 by renbog

The Underwoods. I’m talking about Francis and Claire. I’m talking about House of Cards. I’m talking about a television show.

A good friend of mine suggested that I should watch House of Cards since I enjoy shows such as The West Wing and The Newsroom. What an insane ride House of Cards was….

I understand that a show about Washington politics is going to have scandal, deceit, and human cockroaches. After all, that’s pretty much what we have in Washington politics in reality. But I was unprepared for the breadth of scandal I would see on this show. I was unprepared for the depth of deceit I would see on this show. I was unprepared for how vile the human cockroaches would be on this show. I am terrified to think if even a fraction of this is true in reality.

The show is filled with the most morally depraved characters ever witnessed in television history. Frank and Claire Underwood, the main characters around whom the whole show revolves, are so chillingly awful that they belong to Dante’s Ninth Circle of Hell, but whether they belong in Caïna, Antenora, Ptolomaea, or Judecca is up for discussion. I have actually taken to watching the show under a blanket because the Underwoods are so cold that I feel a chill whenever they are on the screen.

It’s a toss up who is more demonic — Frank or Claire. Frank is more obviously terrible, but Claire is the silent, sneaky type, which makes her a special kind of dangerous.

As the show has progressed, I started feeling like maybe Frank and Claire weren’t so bad after all. I’m not sure if I’ve just become accustomed to their treachery or if the characters who surround them are so disgusting that the Underwoods are starting to look good in comparison.

I still haven’d decided if I want to see them be victorious or if I want to see their downfall. Regardless, I will keep watching because Francis and Claire Underwood are a horrific train wreck that I simply can’t tear my eyes away from.

Francis and Claire Underwood, played brilliantly by Kevin Spacey and Robin Wright. (http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/HKRN0VBu3_g/0.jpg)

Francis and Claire Underwood, played brilliantly by Kevin Spacey and Robin Wright. (http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/HKRN0VBu3_g/0.jpg)

Posted in Blogging A to Z | Leave a comment

Blogging A to Z — T: Texas

Posted on April 23, 2014 by renbog

I’m happy to admit it — I fell in love with Texas the first time I stepped foot in that state.

I never had any inclination to visit Texas. Too many tornadoes. And I am terrified of tornadoes.

But when may father moved there, I knew there would be no escaping the fact that one day I would have to visit him there.

I have been to Houston, Galveston, San Antonio, and Lufkin (which is roughly between Houston and Dallas). I am pretty preferential to Houston. The people there are all quite friendly and it has a nice, tropical vide to it. It is warm and humid and there are palm trees. Not to mention, there is a terrific selection of Mexican restaurants in Houston!

Galveston is my next favorite. It’s right there on the Gulf of Mexico and it is so nice to visit. But It’s much more expensive to live there than Houston, and Galveston to Houston is very drivable (about an hour). In addition, it’s much harder to escape a hurricane in Galveston than it is Houston!

San Antonio is nice and has some interesting history to it, but it’s not tropical like Houston or Galveston, and truth be told, I found the people in Houston to be much friendlier than the people in San Antonio.

I only visited a friend who lives in Lufkin once, but it was quite a peaceful and pretty there.

I don’t care for the fire ants. I don’t like the palmetto bugs (it doesn’t matter if they have a cute name — it’s all a ploy, just ask Dave Barry). I’m not necessarily a fan of the politics. But it’s a pretty state, and there are some really neat things in and around Houston — Johnson Space Center, USS Battleship Texas, The Galleria for shopping, Galveston nearby.

Y’all come visit Texas and see what I mean!

Posted in Blogging A to Z | 1 Comment

Blogging A to Z — S: SIUe

Posted on April 22, 2014 by renbog

SIUe stands for Southern Illinois University — Edwardsville. This is where my daughter goes to school. I was impressed with the university from the moment I set foot on their campus. Here are ten things I’d like to share with you about SIUe:

1. It is a gorgeous campus! It is smack dab in the middle of a nature preserve so there are plenty of scenic grounds. Because so much of the campus is preserve, huge sections of it won’t be developed, ensuring that it will always be scenic.

2. Geese! The students have a love/hate relationship with the geese all over campus! They may not think it’s funny to be chased by the geese, but I find it uproariously hilarious to be on the phone with my daughter and hearing her freak out when they start to chase her!

3. Deer! When my husband and I first came to visit for parents’ weekend, we rounded a corner and there were two deer standing maybe 10 feet from us. They barely regarded us and continued to graze. Again, the students might find the deer a nuisance, but I find it quaint!

4. The campus is way on the outskirts of town, so even though it is technically an open-campus school, it feels like a closed-campus school. There is little to no through traffic because the only thing really around the main part of campus is nature preserve.

5. Small class sizes are par for the course. My daughter hasn’t yet had a huge lecture hall class with 100 classmates, and I doubt she ever will.

6. My daughter is in a sorority, and there are other Greek organizations on campus, but there is no Greek housing. I think this cuts down on the shenanigans that so many people (myself included) associate with fraternities and sororities — think Animal House, Legally Blonde, and Revenge of the Nerds.

7. There is a lack of serious crime on campus. At orientation, we were told the number one crime on campus is parking pass theft. There have been a couple of more serious incidents, but SIUe takes their reputation for safety seriously and deals with any incidents swiftly — and they are very good about keeping students and parents informed of any safety concerns.

8. Textbook rental! SIUe is only 1 or 2 universities in Illinois that has textbook rental! I can’t say how much I love love love this!!!!!

9. Moving in to the dorm as a freshman is a dream! SIUe has a “move-in crew” of student volunteers who unload the car and move everything into the student’s dorm room! As the parent of a freshman, all I had to do was pull the car up to the curb. I sure missed that move-in crew when she moved into a THIRD FLOOR APARTMENT WITH NO ELEVATOR her sophomore year!

10. My daughter is happy there. She has grown up so much by going to school there. She is getting a quality education and having meaningful experiences. I couldn’t ask for more for my daughter’s education!

Posted in Blogging A to Z | Leave a comment