The View from the Cheap Seats

The Underwoods. I’m talking about Francis and Claire. I’m talking about House of Cards. I’m talking about a television show.

A good friend of mine suggested that I should watch House of Cards since I enjoy shows such as The West Wing and The Newsroom. What an insane ride House of Cards was….

I understand that a show about Washington politics is going to have scandal, deceit, and human cockroaches. After all, that’s pretty much what we have in Washington politics in reality. But I was unprepared for the breadth of scandal I would see on this show. I was unprepared for the depth of deceit I would see on this show. I was unprepared for how vile the human cockroaches would be on this show. I am terrified to think if even a fraction of this is true in reality.

The show is filled with the most morally depraved characters ever witnessed in television history. Frank and Claire Underwood, the main characters around whom the whole show revolves, are so chillingly awful that they belong to Dante’s Ninth Circle of Hell, but whether they belong in Caïna, Antenora, Ptolomaea, or Judecca is up for discussion. I have actually taken to watching the show under a blanket because the Underwoods are so cold that I feel a chill whenever they are on the screen.

It’s a toss up who is more demonic — Frank or Claire. Frank is more obviously terrible, but Claire is the silent, sneaky type, which makes her a special kind of dangerous.

As the show has progressed, I started feeling like maybe Frank and Claire weren’t so bad after all. I’m not sure if I’ve just become accustomed to their treachery or if the characters who surround them are so disgusting that the Underwoods are starting to look good in comparison.

I still haven’d decided if I want to see them be victorious or if I want to see their downfall. Regardless, I will keep watching because Francis and Claire Underwood are a horrific train wreck that I simply can’t tear my eyes away from.

Francis and Claire Underwood, played brilliantly by Kevin Spacey and Robin Wright. (http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/HKRN0VBu3_g/0.jpg)

I’m happy to admit it — I fell in love with Texas the first time I stepped foot in that state.

I never had any inclination to visit Texas. Too many tornadoes. And I am terrified of tornadoes.

But when may father moved there, I knew there would be no escaping the fact that one day I would have to visit him there.

I have been to Houston, Galveston, San Antonio, and Lufkin (which is roughly between Houston and Dallas). I am pretty preferential to Houston. The people there are all quite friendly and it has a nice, tropical vide to it. It is warm and humid and there are palm trees. Not to mention, there is a terrific selection of Mexican restaurants in Houston!

Galveston is my next favorite. It’s right there on the Gulf of Mexico and it is so nice to visit. But It’s much more expensive to live there than Houston, and Galveston to Houston is very drivable (about an hour). In addition, it’s much harder to escape a hurricane in Galveston than it is Houston!

San Antonio is nice and has some interesting history to it, but it’s not tropical like Houston or Galveston, and truth be told, I found the people in Houston to be much friendlier than the people in San Antonio.

I only visited a friend who lives in Lufkin once, but it was quite a peaceful and pretty there.

I don’t care for the fire ants. I don’t like the palmetto bugs (it doesn’t matter if they have a cute name — it’s all a ploy, just ask Dave Barry). I’m not necessarily a fan of the politics. But it’s a pretty state, and there are some really neat things in and around Houston — Johnson Space Center, USS Battleship Texas, The Galleria for shopping, Galveston nearby.

Y’all come visit Texas and see what I mean!

SIUe stands for Southern Illinois University — Edwardsville. This is where my daughter goes to school. I was impressed with the university from the moment I set foot on their campus. Here are ten things I’d like to share with you about SIUe:

1. It is a gorgeous campus! It is smack dab in the middle of a nature preserve so there are plenty of scenic grounds. Because so much of the campus is preserve, huge sections of it won’t be developed, ensuring that it will always be scenic.

2. Geese! The students have a love/hate relationship with the geese all over campus! They may not think it’s funny to be chased by the geese, but I find it uproariously hilarious to be on the phone with my daughter and hearing her freak out when they start to chase her!

3. Deer! When my husband and I first came to visit for parents’ weekend, we rounded a corner and there were two deer standing maybe 10 feet from us. They barely regarded us and continued to graze. Again, the students might find the deer a nuisance, but I find it quaint!

4. The campus is way on the outskirts of town, so even though it is technically an open-campus school, it feels like a closed-campus school. There is little to no through traffic because the only thing really around the main part of campus is nature preserve.

5. Small class sizes are par for the course. My daughter hasn’t yet had a huge lecture hall class with 100 classmates, and I doubt she ever will.

6. My daughter is in a sorority, and there are other Greek organizations on campus, but there is no Greek housing. I think this cuts down on the shenanigans that so many people (myself included) associate with fraternities and sororities — think Animal House, Legally Blonde, and Revenge of the Nerds.

7. There is a lack of serious crime on campus. At orientation, we were told the number one crime on campus is parking pass theft. There have been a couple of more serious incidents, but SIUe takes their reputation for safety seriously and deals with any incidents swiftly — and they are very good about keeping students and parents informed of any safety concerns.

8. Textbook rental! SIUe is only 1 or 2 universities in Illinois that has textbook rental! I can’t say how much I love love love this!!!!!

9. Moving in to the dorm as a freshman is a dream! SIUe has a “move-in crew” of student volunteers who unload the car and move everything into the student’s dorm room! As the parent of a freshman, all I had to do was pull the car up to the curb. I sure missed that move-in crew when she moved into a THIRD FLOOR APARTMENT WITH NO ELEVATOR her sophomore year!

10. My daughter is happy there. She has grown up so much by going to school there. She is getting a quality education and having meaningful experiences. I couldn’t ask for more for my daughter’s education!

I have never been much of a gambler. I don’t find any entertainment in losing money. I have been to casinos on cruises, Indian reservations, in Las vegas, and locally here in Joliet. Most of the time, I just wasted my time and money on slot machines, watching reels spin, listening to bells and whistles, and having not an ever-loving clue what made me win or made me lose. And I always lost.

Then Jim and I went on a cruise with my father and his wife and my dad taught me to play roulette. Suddenly, gambling had some appeal. He taught me a system he uses to place his bets, so I have used the same system and I am proud to say that I win more than I lose. Every time I’ve sat down at a roulette table I’ve come away up money except for one time. I never play more than about $50 or $60 at a time. If I run out of money, I am done. I don’t go get more. I sit down at the table with a set amount of money I am willing to invest in my venture and I won’t surpass it. Ever. On the flip side, I have no problems cashing out when I’m up. I was on a cruise with my mom over spring break. I sat down at the roulette table and 15 minutes later I had managed to more than double my money (it is so excellent when the numbers I bet individually hit three times in a row!). I cashed out. This woman sitting next to me said, “But you just got here.” I told her that I had more than doubled my money so I was getting the hell out while I was ahead. She said, “But what if your numbers hit again?” I told her, “I won’t be here to see it so I’ll never know.” And I walked away.

That’s part of the secret to gambling — knowing when to walk away. I am not enticed by the thought of, “What would happen if I went just one more spin of the wheel?” That lack of curiosity is what enables me to walk away if I’m out of money as well as walk away when I’m up money.

Suddenly, gambling is fun.

A picture my dad took of me during my first solo roulette run. I started with $50 and walked away with $100.

Here’s an itty bitty blurb about Chicago Blackhawks coach Joel Quenneville from a proud member of the much-maligned bandwagon.

I know Coach Q gets an awful lot of criticism. My husband calls him “Coach Hashpipe”. He also says that he doesn’t deserve a cool nickname like “Q”. I hear complaints all the time about how he sets up his lines, who’s on what line, and how he juggles the lines all the time. People get frustrated because he seems to have his favorites, who never seem to be the favorites of all the fans. Some get angry because he benches players for no apparent reason.

I don’t know if any of those criticisms are legit or not. I have a hard enough time following the puck that I don’t have time to remember who’s on what line and who plays best with whom. I’m doing well if I remember most of the players numbers and I can actually see a goal being scored.

But here is what I do know about Q from my admittedly and unashamedly shallow point of view:

• He’s an experienced coach and he knows the players better than I do because he works with them.
• He’s coached the Blackhawks to 2 Stanley Cup victories in 4 years (2010 and 2013).
• He wears pretty nice ties.
• He’s a decent looking guy.
• I like him.
• He endeared himself to me this week by making an obscene gesture during the first game of round one of the playoffs against the Blues. Most excellent crotch grab ever!
• He further endeared himself to me when he responded to being fined $25,000 for said crotch grab by calling it a “bush-league” move. Oh, how I love a good double entendre!

So, there it is. The most meaningless drivel ever written about Joel Quenneville by a drippy bandwagonner. Any of my fellow hockey friends who read this because the word “Quenneville” caught their eye are surely disappointed and pissed that they just lost 2 minutes of their life that they can never get back.

And, by the way, if you’re interested in seeing the crotch grab and reading the article about the fine, check it out here.