#BloggingAtoZ — Leaving Me Now

Posted on April 13, 2019 by renbog

My post today is about a song that many probably have not heard of. It’s titled “Leaving Me Now” and it is by the band Level 42. Most people are probably familiar with Level 42’s bigger hit “Something About You”. “Leaving Me Now” is on the same album. This song is special to me because it took on special significance for me after an engagement ended in January 1986. I got engaged right out of high school to a guy who (I realize now) wanted nothing to do with marrying me or being with me since he had himself someone else. I moved from my home in Illinois to be with him and got to school in Philadelphia. By the time my first semester in college ended, so had my engagement. I had been with this guy for 5 years and he was my first love, so I took the breakup pretty hard. Adding to the stress and sadness was that I needed to uproot my life again, leave my new friends and college, and go back home to Illinois. Sometimes I look back at that time and I am so grateful that I had that breakup then instead of now. There was no social media, so the only way I could learn anything going on in his life with his new woman was if we talked on the phone or we exchanged letters. I tried to contact him plenty, but obviously he wasn’t interested.

Music plays a huge role in my life. I attach songs to so many significant moments and memories. This song was one I listened to over and over again after we broke up. It’s a song about the end of a relationship, and there were lines that just seem to echo my sentiments at that time: “Seems all I’ve known is deceit”, “I’d still die for you gladly”, “Not even love could bring you to stay”, “There’s no more love, only feelings of doubt”. The melancholy in the song was just what I needed to drown in my feelings of sadness and pain. I would listen to this song so many times a day, and slowly, over time, I would listen less and less and I would feel a little less pain. Now I can listen to the song and appreciate the beautiful way heartache is expressed and I can conjure up memories of how crushed I was at that time. But I don;t need the song to help me work through anything anymore, but it remains a favorite because it enabled me to go on with living and loving.

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#BloggingAtoZ — K-Fit

Posted on April 13, 2019 by renbog

I know I’ve written about boxing before, but for this post I thought I’d share a little bit about the boxing gym I go to, K-Fit Boxing. The owners, Kenji and Anne, are also the instructors/trainers. I have not taken am actual class with Kenji, but he has subbed for classes I take with Anne, and what I can tell you for sure about Kenji is he is the definition of bad ass! He is incredibly knowledgeable about boxing, he’s an amazing athlete, a kettlebell master, and has self-discipline that is enviable. His wife Anne is every bit the incredible athlete he is, and she is one of the best fitness instructors I have ever worked with. She is really great about explaining how to do exercises and offering modifications, both up and down. And she really celebrates every success and accepts everyone at their level. I’ve never felt out of place being a chubby chick with other skinny women or with other more physically fit women. And that’s to me, the real strength of K-Fit — the culture and the atmosphere. It is welcoming of all — you want to improve your fitness and health and they will meet you where you are. And everyone I’ve met who takes classes there accepts everyone else who is there with them. Nobody is better or worse than anyone else because we are all there for the exact same thing: to get better, to get stronger. They offer a nice variety of classes, from personal training to women’s only classes to couple’s boxing to kettlebell classes to challenging and enjoyable boxing fitness classes. But one of their biggest programs, that I honestly don’t know a ton about, is their Rock Steady Boxing program which is designed specifically for people living with Parkinson’s. I stepped way, way out of my comfort zone a little over a year ago when I took my first boxing class at K-Fit and it has been one of the best decisions I have ever made in my whole life. The physical progress I’ve made, the people I’ve met, and the confidence I’ve gained have been life changing in the best ways possible. If you live out near me and you’ve wanted to find a physical fitness program that will be something challenging that you love, you really should check out K-Fit Boxing!

My first boxing picture — taken about a year ago.
Convinced my daughter to come to boxing class with me one Saturday morning when she was in town visiting.
An example of how I improved: when I first came to K-Fit, I couldn’t hold a plank for even 10 seconds. Then one night, Anne snapped a picture of me doing THIS — whaaaaat????
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#AtoZChallenge — Jimmy Buffett

Posted on April 12, 2019 by renbog

I know I mentioned in a previous post that I’m a Jimmy Buffett fan. I cut my teeth, like lots of Parrotheads, on Songs You Know by Heart. That’s got songs like “Margaritaville,” “Volcano,” “Fins,” “Cheeseburger in Paradise,” “Come Monday,” and “A Pirate Looks at Forty” on it. They really are the songs you know by heart if you’re a Jimmy Buffett fan. And he plays those songs at every concert. But if I’m being honest, those songs have grown tired for me. Instead, I’ve expanded my Buffett horizons and found other songs by him that I love. Some of them are a little obscure, but I don’t care. I love every song on Don’t Stop the Carnival — “A Thousand Steps” in particular! My favorite Buffett song is probably “Tin Cup Chalice.” And I have a secret desire for “Little Miss Magic” to be the daddy/daughter dance when my daughter gets married someday ❤

Interested in hearing some of my favorite Buffett songs? Here’s my YouTube playlist! Enjoy!

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#AtoZChallenge — #IWSG

Posted on April 11, 2019 by renbog

A few months ago, I stumbled on an online group called the Insecure Writer’s Support Group. It’s a site devoted to helping writers, and since I am a wannabe novelist, I decided to get involved with the Insecure Writer’s Support Group. They have all sorts of helpful information to assist writers, and once a month, they send out a writing-related question for people to write about on their blogs. It’s a lot of fun doing the “writing assignment” and seeing what other writers say in theirs. I find it easiest just to search the hashtag on Twitter and read blogs there. If you’re a writer, especially an insecure writer 🙂 — you should look into joining the group on that site!

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#AtoZChallenge — Horse Whisperer

Posted on April 9, 2019 by renbog

One of my favorite movies is The Horse Whisperer. I stumbled upon it one day and watched it and was instantly taken in. I absolutely adore tortured love stories — the more tortured, the better! And this movie has plenty of tortured love: Grace and her parents, Annie and Tom, Annie and Robert, Annie and Tom. I am not always a huge fan of Kristin Scott Thomas’s but she is so good in this role, playing it with a hard edge, vulnerability, and trepidation all wrapped up in one complex character. Robert Redford’s aloofness is natural and an absolute turn on! And Scarlett Johansson plays one of the best roles in her career, in my opinion, in this movie.

I love watching the relationship between Annie and Grace grow. As a mom, I remember those difficult teenage years with my own daughter, and I didn’t have to also manage the trauma that Annie had to manage with Grace. I find the relationship between Annie and Robert to be an interesting study, trying to determine right along with them what the best path for their marriage should be. And then there’s Annie and Tom. The chemistry between the two of them is gentle yet overpowering. As a viewer, you know they really don’t belong together at all but you find yourself wanting them to be together anyway.

One of my all-time favorite movie scenes ever is from this film. It is the climax in the attraction between Annie and Tom as they dance together, surrounded by so many other people, including Robert and Grace, but becoming so completely lost in each other, they forget there is a world around them. We viewers are waiting for the big scene where they finally consummate their relationship, but this is as much as we get — their dance. I have told people it is one of the sexiest, most erotic love scenes that has absolutely no sex and no nudity. Watch it here:

I have always meant to read the book to see if it is just as tortured as the movie. Someday, I will. If you’re like me and just adore getting lost in impossible love stories, then maybe you might like to watch The Horse Whisperer.

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#AtoZChallenge — God

Posted on April 9, 2019 by renbog

I believe in God. It is a choice I make. My reasons for believing in God are simple.

I believe in God because it gives me comfort and strength to feel as if I am talking to someone in times of need, whether it is something big (like when my dad was in the hospital after having a sudden cardiac arrest) or something small (like when I can finally clasp the necklace I am trying to put on).

I believe in God because it gives me peace to think that some people will get a reward in heaven when they die. I think about my mom and some of the things she has endured in her life and how selfless and giving she is and I simply cannot fathom that she would leave this world someday and not be rewarded richly for her kindness and generosity.

I believe in God because it makes my heart feel calm to think that people I love whom I’ve lost are merely waiting for me when it is my time to join them. I don’t want to think that I will never see my grandmother again or that people I know who have lost children will never see them again.

Maybe I am naive or foolish to believe in God. Maybe my reasons for believing in God are petty. But I don’t care. If I am content to believe, why should it matter to anyone else? I don’t question why other people believe in God; if they do, they have their own reasons. I also don’t question why people don’t believe in God because I am sure they also have their own reasons.

Believing in God doesn’t make me morally superior. It doesn’t even make me moral. But it does make me happy, and it does make me feel at peace. And those are two pretty amazing gifts.

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#AToZChallenge — Faith in Angels

Posted on April 7, 2019 by renbog

In this post, I am going to tell you about a song that plays a significant role in my life. It’s “Faith in Angels” by Peter Mayer.

Peter Mayer is a singer and guitar player in his own right, but he has likely gained any fame he has by being a guitarist for Jimmy Buffett. My attention was first drawn to him as a musician beyond his work with Buffett by my friend Sarah. And this song is one that is dear to her as well. She is the one who placed this song in my life and it has been a blessing. My friend Cathy calls it my “strong song” and I never realized that it indeed is my “strong song” until Cathy said that.

The lyrics and the tone of the song are incredibly gentle, it’s easy to see why it’s a song used to soothe the aches and pains of the heart. The chorus of a song is a soft call to action:

Have a little faith in angels. You never know where they might be. Have a little faith in angels and you might begin to see.

It’s funny how this song has just popped up for me at times in my life when I need to hear the message the most — everything from trying to grapple with my grandfather’s suicide to getting me through marathon training and the marathon itself. When I hear the song, it always causes me to pause a do a quick re-examination of my life and my relationships. I look for the angels. And I find them everywhere. They are always there when I need them, helping this silver bird leave the ground, rising high on their borrowed wings.

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#IWSG — One Wish

Posted on April 5, 2019 by renbog

This post is late — should have published Wednesday! It is part of the Insecure Writer’s Support Group. And here is the question for this month:

 If you could use a wish to help you write just ONE scene/chapter of your book, which one would it be? (examples: fight scene / first kiss scene / death scene / chase scene / first chapter / middle chapter / end chapter, etc.)

I would use my wish to help me write the chapter that includes the climax to my novel. I have been working on a novel for a few years now and the progress is sloooooooow. I know what I want the conflict to be. I know what I want the ending to be. But I just can’t figure out the climax, the culminating event that brings all the rising action to a head so that I can have the ending I want. I know that I need a significant event, most likely a negative event, but I absolutely do NOT want a cliche (like a death) or an unrealistic surprise twist or some deus ex machina. I want it to feel authentic and real and I haven’t figured out yet how to do that.

I don’t know if this makes me unusual. Do most authors know exactly how the plot of their novel will go? Or is it perfectly normal to be missing such a big piece of the plot? Regardless, that is what I would use my wish for!

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#AToZChallenge — Eulogy

Posted on April 5, 2019 by renbog

My post for today is a bittersweet one. When my grandmother died, I delivered her eulogy. I wish so much that my grandmother was still here today, but writing her eulogy was the easiest thing to do because there were so many things I loved about her. Re-reading her eulogy makes me miss her so much, my heart actually aches but it also makes me smile because I get to remember so many wonderful things about her. So my post today is the eulogy I wrote for her and read at her funeral.

Just like all of you, I have some special memories of my grandmother.  In fact, every letter of the alphabet reminds me of Grandma in some way.

A is for apple slices; hers were best ice cold out of the fridge.

B is for Bingo!

C is for cookies, especially thumbprint cookies, which were her best, not the shots, not the chocolate chip; thumbprint!

D is for dogs – I am sure Barney Brains needed plenty of brushing once Grandma finally got back to him!

E is for exercises – the exercises she did behind the wheel of the car driving to Minnesota one year.  My mom was sure Grandma was driving off the road because she was falling asleep at the wheel.

F is for, what else, frosting!  Mine is never quite as good as Grandma’s, either…..

G is for God in whom she had unwavering faith.

H is for hands – hers were always so soft.

I is for ice, which she always wanted in her coffee.

J is for Jackson, as in Alan Jackson.

K is for knit; Grandma knitted and crocheted so many blankets, including miniature blankets to fit on Becky’s doll beds.

L is for Lake; not her last name, but Cass Lake, where she enjoyed fishing.

M is for mug rugs and mock chicken legs!

N is for Nabisco, the company that makes Oreos.

O is for ornaments, especially bears in the box.

P is for potato salad!

Q is for the queens and kings and aces in our card playing nights.

R is for Rebekah, Michael, and Alyssa; they are truly blessed to have had my grandma for their great grandma.

S is for September, the month of her birth.

T is for teeth; she used to take hers out to entertain me when I was little.

U is for underwear; I still haven’t recovered psychologically from unwittingly wearing a pair of her underwear after getting her laundry mixed up with mine in Minnesota.

V is for voice; I loved the sound of her voice, especially her laugh.

W is for wishing wells; she made plenty of them!

X is for bowling; you know, strike?

Y is for young; no matter how old she was, she was always young at heart.

And Z is for zenith, the highest point, which is where she is now, in heaven, and knowing she is home with God and smiling down on us should bring all of us peace and comfort.

Such a fun picture of my daughter being silly with her grandma (my mom, right) and her great grandma (my grandma, left).
Another picture of my daughter and my grandma. My grandma’s smile lit up her whole face. Looking at this picture, I can hear her laugh.
My grandmother with me when I graduated from college. Lots of people make fun of pantsuits on women, but my grandma made them look damn good.
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#AToZChallenge — Don’t Stop the Carnival

Posted on April 5, 2019 by renbog

I consider myself a Parrothead, but I’m not sure I’m your typical Parrothead. My least favorite Jimmy Buffett songs include “Margaritaville,” “Fins,” “Cheeseburger in Paradise,” “Volcano”, and “Come Monday” just to name a few. In actuality, my favorite Jimmy Buffett album is Don’t Stop the Carnival.

Don’t Stop the Carnival is a musical Jimmy Buffett wrote based on the novel by the same name written by Herman Wouk. It tells the story of New York public relations expert Norman Paperman’s adventures when he decides to leave his New York lifestyle behind to buy a resort in the fictional tropical island of Amerigo. I remember listening to the album for the first time and enjoying the songs but not really understanding them because, like typical show tunes, the songs help tell the story and I didn’t know the story. So I read the book. It was good. Not outstanding. But what I appreciated about the book is the context it game me for the songs. Now suddenly I had a new appreciation of them because I knew the story each song was telling.

Hands down, my favorite song on the album is “A Thousand Steps to Nowhere.” I can’t tell you why I love it so much, but I do. Maybe it’s because it’s set up as an interesting triplet — the song juxtaposes one moment in time from three different perspectives — Norman Paperman’s, his wife Henny’s, and the old, jaded aging starlet who lives at the resort, Iris’s. It’s an enchanting song, and some of my favorite memories are of my husband and I singing it together as a duet in the car.

Other songs that are standouts include “Hippolyte’s Habitat,” which is just one of the coolest sounding songs I’ve heard. “Who Are We Trying to Fool” is interesting as it shows the developing relationship between Norman and Iris. I also really like “Up on the Hill” — not necessarily because of the lyrics but the music. The sound of the song is sweet, which kind of belies what the song actually is saying.

This is not by any stretch a typical Jimmy Buffett album — it’s a soundtrack to a musical and Jimmy Buffett doesn’t sing on a number of the songs. Most Parrotheads either don’t like this album or they haven’t even heard of it. But to me, that’s part of the appeal — to me, it seems a new, harmless and apparently endless carnival 🙂

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