I’m Renee. I’m a retired teacher. I am 57 years old. I came into the fitness game late in life, probably around age 40. At my heaviest weight, I was 289 pounds. I lost 120 pounds on Weight watchers, then when I stopped following the program and started to have some serious stress in my life, slowly gained back about 100 of those pounds over the course of maybe 10 years or so. (It’s insidious how the weight creeps back on.)

Five years ago, I had complications from back surgery that left me unable to feel or move anything from both knees down. After months of rehab — both inpatient and outpatient — I learned to walk again, but I am left with permanent radiculopathy affecting both feet, ankles, and lower legs , causing foot drop in both feet and some balance and mobility issues. This has exacerbated my attempts to lose the weight I slowly regained.

I made a radical decision 2 years ago to have weight loss surgery, and I lost about 90 pounds in a year and have essentially maintained that weight loss now, 2 years post op.

I’m just a regular ol’ person without any extraordinary skills or talents or a past that lends itself to exceptionality. None of this is a dis on myself — I am just trying to show you that I am literally just a normal person who faces the same problems and challenges so many people face.

Shift gears.

I moved to Missouri from Illinois almost 4 months ago. One of the hardest things to do was leave behind the gym I worked out at. I had discovered a boxing fitness gym that I attended for 6 years that I fell in love with! I was looking for something new, something with camaraderie and accountability after my fitness journey in the 20teens took me through solo running, including running numerous 5Ks, a half marathon, and a full marathon (gee, how did I hurt my back? could it be all that running while overweight and not really doing any kind of cross training???). K-Fit Boxing met my needs, and I hated leaving it behind when I moved. I needed something as similar as possible, knowing full well I could never replicate the culture of K-Fit.

A number of people suggested I try CrossFit. I almost immediately balked at it. My concept of CrossFit was it was a bunch of gym bros full of muscles, and a bunch of hard body chicks, every person speaking in a weird CrossFit slang, endlessly talking about their workouts and protein intake, and all of them in perfect physical condition and not very open to newbies or old chicks or fat chicks. I always thought it was really clique-y. But I was really looking for something to replicate as closely as possible my Illinois gym experience, and it was actually my coach from that gym, Anne, who finally got me to consider CrossFit. So I spent a lot of time looking at the website for the CrossFit gym I attend. I looked at their Google reviews. I followed their Instagram account and pored over the photos to see if I could do the workouts or if anyone there looked like me. Then I finally pulled the trigger. I emailed them and went through their onboarding training and learned a whole new aspect of working out. I had never really lifted weights with barbells before, just dumbbells and machines, so this whole strict/clean/snatch thing was super new to me. And woohoo, was it intimidating! Not gonna lie, it still kind of is. But as a proud lifelong learner, I embraced learning the new things and took absolute pleasure in mixing it with the things I already knew how to do. An added intimidation factor was that because of my radiculopathy and foot drop, I simply have to modify some things. I really can’t jump rope very well. I can’t really do jumping jacks. If I have to do more than a few burpees or mountain climbers, I use a box and do them elevated because I simply can’t keep up if I do them “regular”. And I feel like that makes me “stick out” and I HATE sticking out! I just want to blend in with everyone!

So, how does all that do at my CrossFit gym? Beautifully! The coaches there have been so kind. They respect my self-accommodations, they offer accommodations to me, they coach me through movements, they never push me to do something I can’t do, they’re kind and encouraging, and they’re so patient. The other people who workout there have been equally as kind and not judgmental at all. Nobody looks at me askance when they’re front squatting 100 pounds or more and I’m setting my personal best at 35 pounds. No one gives me any side eye when they’re huffing and puffing from their burpees while I’m doing mine from the box. And I am pleased to say that every one of them is an absolute hard body/beautiful person — because every one of them is working so hard and doing such amazing work, that it doesn’t matter if they look like fitness models or senior citizens or any person in between, their strength and their beauty comes from inside, not outside. So I no longer fear the the beautiful gym people!

Is every gym, CrossFit or not, like the gym I go to or the one I went to in Illinois? I’m sure they’re not. I’m probably pretty lucky to have gone 2 for 2 on gyms. I share this because I want anyone who is thinking about doing something like CrossFit (or boxing fitness) but also feeling like they won’t fit in to realize chances are, you WILL fit right in! Don’t be afraid, or just learn to do things scared (that’s pretty much my mantra — I’ve had to learn to do a lot of things scared). Don’t let stereotypes influence you. Give it a try and see how it goes. I told myself I was going to give my CrossFit gym a month and see if I liked it. I gotta say, I like it more and more each time I go. I’m still a bit in awe of the people around me and wonder if I will ever “be like them”, but I also know that even after we’re all done with a workout, and my barbell was 35 pounds, the person with 125 pounds on theirs is still going to first bump me and tell me, “Good work!”

That’s all this average human wanted, was a place to get in a good workout without being judged. I think I found it.

P.S. If you’re at all interested in my weight loss surgery and/or fitness journey, I share posts here on Instagram!