Let me start by saying I don’t care what anyone reading this thinks of Patrick Kane. I don’t care if you think he’s a dirty pig rapist or if you are a supporter of his and believe with every ounce of your being that he has a halo over his head or if your opinion is somewhere in between. I do not care. We can all sit around and say we are waiting for “the truth” to come out, but it won’t happen. There are three sides to every story — and the three sides in this story are Kane’s side, the accuser’s side and the truth. So anyone who is asserting that they are waiting for the truth before making a judgment, good luck with that. A charge isn’t the truth. A verdict isn’t the truth. A settlement isn’t the truth. The truth will never be known. That’s why I don’t care what you think of Patrick Kane.
But I do kind of care what you think about his accuser.
Because the amount of slut shaming that has happened since this story broke has been disgusting, nauseating, filthy, vile, frightening, and a whole host of other awful adjectives.
Anyone who thinks a woman makes a claim of rape lightly is being utterly ridiculous. Here’s why.
First, I think most people have sympathy for the woman who claims rape when some horrible. big man jumps out of the shadows and brutally rapes a woman. But when it comes to date rape or acquaintance rape, well, that changes things.
If my own daughter came to me and told me she had been raped, I would passionately beg her NOT to pursue it, to just forget about it, to learn to live with having been violated so horribly. And here’s why.
If she was wearing a skirt or dress that was too short (subjective), OR if she was wearing pants that were too tight (subjective), OR if she was wearing a top that was too sheer or too tight or too low cut (subjective), she would be called a slut, which equates to asking to be raped which means she deserved it.
If she was flirting with the guy, she would be called a slut, which equates to asking to be raped which means she deserved it.
If she had been drinking, she would be called a slut, which equates to asking to be raped which means she deserved it.
If she left with the guy or went somewhere alone with him, especially if it was not daylight out, she would be called a slut, which equates to asking to be raped which means she deserved it.
If she has any kind of sexual past, meaning she is not a virgin, she would be called a slut, which equates to asking to be raped which means she deserved it.
If she has ever had so much as a sip of alcohol in the past, she would be called a slut, which equates to asking to be raped which means she deserved it.
If she has breasts or a vagina, she would be called a slut, which equates to asking to be raped which means she deserved it.
A grandmother, a nun, a pregnant woman could be raped and some people would find ways to say she deserved it.
Pardon my language, but this is the shit-storm that has been unleashed upon Patrick Kane’s accuser. And it is disgusting. And so very sad.
This is why I would never, ever want my daughter to accuse someone of rape. And God forbid she leveled that accusation against someone who is a pillar of the community or famous or has money. Because that opens up a whole new level of vile, insulting, degrading things to say about her. The humiliation and degradation that happens to a woman who has been raped is nothing compared to the humiliation and degradation that comes upon her if she has the audacity to actually make the accusation. I wouldn’t wish that shit-storm on any woman.
So go ahead and have your opinion about Patrick Kane. You’ll never be proved right or wrong. Feel free to support him at the top of your voice if you want. But try doing it without slut shaming. Because no woman, including Kane’s accuser, deserves it ever.
Try it out on a woman you know. I tried it out on my daughter. Try it out on your mom. Maybe your mom is out with some friends having a glass of wine. She’s got on a skirt that’s just above her knees and a sleeveless top and red heels, not too high. Some group of guys has been watching your mom and her friends all night from a distance. Your mom and her friends end their night at like midnight, her friends leave but she hits the bathroom before she leaves. So now she’s walking out to her car alone and one of the guys who was in the bar earlier accosts her in the parking lot, manages to get her in his car, drives her away and rapes her.
Was she drinking? Asked for it.
Was she alone? Asked for it.
How was she dressed — skirt above the knee, skin showing, heels? Asked for it.
Did she at any time see the guy, make eye contact with him, smile at him? If so, asked for it.
If you think this is bullshit, think again. Because this is how lawyers who defend accused rapists make their case. SHE made all sorts of mistakes. SHE did all sorts of misleading things.
And I haven’t even gotten to how much or little a woman fights or protests. Because I’m betting for rape apologists, there isn’t any amount of “no” that matters. She was in a mini skirt? Your “no” means nothing. You were dressed like a slut. You asked for it. You deserve it.
None of this is an exaggeration. Read about rape cases. Read the comments on any story out there about Patrick Kane right now. His accuser is a dirty whore, a filthy slut, a gold-digging bitch who deserves to be raped for real.
False accusations happen, but they are very rare. Because that accusation, real or fabricated, results in a lifelong torrent of hideous insults.
The slut shaming and excuse-making and victim blaming is a boil on the butt of our humanity and it has to stop. Let’s start with this very public Patrick Kane case. Your character is showing.