I like to think that I am pretty self-aware. That being said, one of the things I know about myself is that I am a people-pleaser and I want people to like me and be happy with me. When they are not, it really bothers me.
I don’t know where this came from. When I was in high school, I didn’t care at all what others thought of me. I had a wide circle of people I could call friends from all sorts of different social groups. I got along easily with most people. But somewhere along the way as I have aged, I’ve become much more concerned about what people think of me.
I don’t like to rock the boat or make waves because it might cause conflict with people I like and care about. I am like this in my family relationships, my friendships, and my working relationships. I don’t think I am a bad person. I’m HUMAN, which means I’m flawed, but I am not a mean person at heart. I can’t say I actually know any people who are like that. Because I tend to think of myself as a decent sort, it becomes of great concern to me when someone doesn’t like me or is mad at me, or if I even PERCEIVE that someone doesn’t like me or is mad at me. It will occupy my thoughts, both consciously and subconsciously. If this happens, I will go out of my way to try to make everything right. And the more I try and the less it helps, the more upset I become.
I hate being like this. I know so many people who are not this insecure. They are themselves, and they can be assertive and self-assured and don’t get a fraction as ruffled as I do when they have a conflict with someone else. Part of me says it is a bad thing to be so concerned with what others think of me. But a part of me sometimes thinks it’s not such a bad thing after all if it drives me to work hard at creating positive relationships.
Is anyone else like me, maybe more concerned than they ought to be with what other people think of them? Or who is not this way at all? I need ideas about how to handle this, either how to accept the way I am or change my way of thinking.