Marathon Recap 1: My Story

Posted on October 13, 2017 by renbog

Running the Chicago Marathon was such a momentous event for me, that everything I want to say will need to be broken up into more than one post! So this post will just focus on the experience of running a marathon!

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My cheering squad — Lucy, Joe, Ethan, Ben, Becky, Peter, Robyn, Aunt Carol, Dallas — missing Jim and Emily!

I wasn’t nervous at all as I stood in corral L — the very last corral. I was certain I’d be a bundle of nerves since I was a wreck in the days leading up to the race. I think I wasn’t nervous because I just wanted to do this thing, get it started, see what happened. Once I crossed that start line, I just let my body do what it knew how to do — run. This allowed me to be able to enjoy the course.

The first half of the course was easy and so much fun! There were so many people around me, running, and so many people on the side of the streets cheering, it was easy to get lost in the activity around me and not think about the running. I read the signs, I high fived kids who had their hands out, I smiled and waved at people who called out my name and encouraged me or who saw that I was running with Team in Training and called out, “Go team!”

Front of my shirt
Front of my shirt
Back of my shirt
Back of my shirt

I had zero doubts about finishing because I felt so good. Even the pains I had had on training runs didn’t come — like the back pain that always seemed to start around mile 8 – 10 or the twinges in my knees that are always present. None of that existed, or if it did, it was barely noticeable. I was feeling so, so, so fantastic! I loved running past Lincoln Park Zoo. I loved seeing the drag queens in Boys Town and all the guys cheering on the sidewalks there! I loved the Elvis impersonator I passed. The aid stations were like a block party! All the volunteers there were cheering and positive and fun! It was a bevy of activity at those aid stations! I was having so much FUN!

Then the pace car was there at my side.

I was about halfway through the race, and I was about to be behind the pace car. At first, I didn’t panic because I seemed to be able to stay pretty close to it even though I was behind it. But as I got to aid station 10 — there are 20 stations — this is what I saw: some young kid was at the Gatorade table, which was stacked with full cups of Gatorade, and I heard him say, “Are you ready?” And then he tipped the table and all the cups of Gatorade went to the ground. It was the moment I became filled with overwhelming doubt. I realized that I was about to lose all my aid stations for the rest of the race. I expected to lose them, but not this soon. It was close to 80 degrees and I did have Gatorade with me and my cheering crew had more Gatorade and water with them for me, but it wasn’t enough to make me feel confident that I could finish anymore. Now the running was hard labor. This was not fun anymore.

To make matters worse, I had a plan to fuel every five miles, but I hit a big glitch with that plan. Right after crossing the start line, you run through a big tunnel that goes under Randolph Street (I believe that’s the street). While there, I felt my GPS watch vibrate and I looked at it to see it had autopaused because it couldn’t find a signal. It autoresumed when I came out, but it kept pausing and resuming in the city because the skyscrapers interfere with the signal. So my watch was worthless to determine pace and mileage. But I decided early on it was NBD — I had the signs that marked the miles. Well, guess what? Once the pace car comes through, they start to take down the signs on the course, too, so now I had no idea how many miles I had come or how many miles I had left to go. Every now and then, I;d come across a kilometer marking sign, but I didn’t know how many kilometers there were in a marathon (I know now — 42), and I was too tired to do math conversions in my head. I felt lost.

My angels started appearing around miles 16, 17, 18, 20. My friend Emily, who has run the marathon before and has an uncanny total recall of the course, started walking with me. Yes, walking. I was now doing more walking than running, I was so tired and demoralized. Eventually, my daughter and my cousin also started walking with me, and finally my husband joined me, too. I had my own little posse of positivity — cheering me up, encouraging me, carrying my water, soaking my sponge so I could cool off, getting me ice and water and Coke. They became instrumental in my race — not only were they providing me immense mental support, but they became my traveling aid station.

With a few miles to go, I ended up being accompanied by two of my coaches from Team in Training, and they were two more angels. Mark was wearing an Elvis wig and kept my mind busy with his conversation and his jokes. Jeff came along and gave me great visuals about finishing the race. “Do you know how many kilometers there are in a marathon? 42. We just passed 41. Do you know how much you have left to do? Have you ever run on a track? You only have three laps left to go on the track, Renee. Can you do three laps? Now you’re down to two laps. You can do two laps, can’t you? Now you’re at the last lap. This one you’re going to do on your own. You just turn right at the corner up there, and then turn left and you’ll see the finish line. You earned the right to finish this race on your own. You earned it. Go get it.”

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Me with my two angels — coaches from TNT!

And then all my angels fell back — Emily, Becky, Robyn, Jim, Mark, and Jeff. My cheering crew were there, too, and I could hear them all cheering for me as I turned to head up Mount Roosevelt — Aunt Carol, Joe, Lucy, Ethan, Peter, Dallas, Ben — all these people who had go so far above and beyond just to cheer for me and support me — it was so emotional.

I headed up Roosevelt with a smile on my face and holding back the tears.

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Happy on Roosevelt!

When I turned to my left and saw the finish line, literally all the pain and fear and doubt simply melted away and I sprinted as hard and as fast as I could to that finish line. I stepped on the timing mat at the finish line with a huge smile, and then the next step opened the floodgates and I began sobbing.

I had traveled 26.2 miles on my feet in 8 hours, 7 minutes, and 21 seconds.

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Crossing the finish line!

At the finish line, I was met by my friends Larry and Cathy, who I did not expect to be there. They have been among my biggest, most loving supporters of my training for this race, and when I saw Larry, I collapsed on him in full tilt ugly cry. Then I flung myself onto Cathy and continued my sobbing. I hope they could feel the pure love I had for them at the moment — but I’m sure all they wanted was my stinky, sweaty body off of them 🙂

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Ugly crying on Larry

It has been 4 days since I ran the Chicago Marathon, and I am still riding on such am amazing high. I want to tell everyone about it (You know the joke — How do you know if someone has run a marathon? Don’t worry, they will tell you! Yeah, that’s me!).

I’ve been fortunate enough to have some truly remarkable experiences in my life — I’ve been to Paris, India, and Dubai. I’ve hiked in the Grand Canyon. I’ve been to Disneyland and Disneyworld more than once. All incredibly memorable. And this Chicago Marathon experience goes right into the same category as those trips — amazing, surreal, and so unforgettable.

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What I Didn’t Know but Probably Should Have

Posted on September 4, 2017 by renbog

This marathon training thing has been quite an education, and I’ve still got a month to go. Here are some things I have learned along the way, things I guess I didn’t know but probably should have:

  • I am sick of running. I have been training since the beginning of May, running 4 days a week. I am so sick of running. I want to do other things. I don’t want to be so beholden to this training schedule anymore.
  • I have learned not to care what anyone thinks. Like, decorum is out the window. I don’t care what anyone thinks if they see me blow my nose on my shirt, see my gut or sports bra when I use the hem of my shirt to wipe sweat from my face, grab the crotch of my shorts to pull it down when it rides up as I’m running, or reach behind me to scratch my ass. I am just too damn tired to care what anyone thinks of those behaviors when I am 6 miles or 11 miles into a run.
  • I hurt all the time. My toes, my arches, my ankles, my calves, my knees, my quads, my back, my shoulders. They all always hurt in one degree or another.
  • I am hungry and tired all the time. When I’m not running, all I seem to want to do is eat and sleep.
  • I am lonely. Training for this by myself is hard mentally and emotionally. I can pretty well get through 10 miles on my own, but once I get past that, I start to feel myself breaking down physically (see the bullet above about pain), and I really start to break down mentally. I feel really alone and isolated, and it is hard to keep moving. I’ve been told that the crowd support on the course during race day is very energizing, so I am counting on that. I am really going to need it.
  • Related to being lonely, I am amazed at how much I deeply appreciate the kindness of strangers. When I see fellow runners and they give me little pieces of encouragement, it really gives me a boost. For instance, this morning, one guy just gave me a thumbs up as we passed each other, and a couple of ladies out running said, “You’re gonna do great!” as they ran past me. Those two little gestures really gave me a pleasant little burst. All the little bits of encouragement I get, especially when I am out there on the road, really help.
  • I have not lost a single pound while training. I haven’t really gained, either. I just keep seeming to lose and gain back the same 2 or 3 pounds. I guess I should reference the bullet above about being hungry all the time.
  • My mind does weird things. Like I tripped the other day at work, and I thought to myself, “Oh, no! I almost fell! I can’t get hurt now! Wait, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if I did get hurt….”

33 days left. I’m just going to keep plugging along.

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Thoughts on Training for this Marathon

Posted on August 13, 2017 by renbog

If you know me, then you know I’ve been training to run the Chicago Marathon since May — because it seems like running is all I ever talk about. I half jokingly tell people that I’m boring to talk to because all I do is run, eat because I’m hungry from running, sleep because I’m tired from running, and ice because I’m sore from running.

And now I’m gonna whine about it, even though I kind of whined about it on Facebook already. Because I’m just trying to process my way through this whole thing.

Yesterday I ran 14 miles — the longest distance I have ever run in my life. And I’m still working on trying to feel excited about it. Because the last part of it was really dreadful, as it seems all my long runs are anymore. Once I get past that 10 mile mark, everything seems to start to go right down the toilet. My pace (which is slow anyway) goes right down the drain. The pain (which I know I’m going to have) starts to really get to me. I feel my emotional and physical strength start to fade. And by the time I hit the stop button on my GPS watch, I’m broken. I look around at the other people running on the trail when they finish their runs and they don’t look like they’re on the verge of tears, they don’t walk like they’re in massive amounts if pain, hobbling back to their car.

I struggle to figure out why I’m like this. Is it because of my knees (I say knees because my right knee is starting to exhibit signs of stress, not just the left knee anymore)? Is it because of my weight (I do weigh more now than I did when I ran the Chicago Half Marathon 2 years ago, and believe it or not, I have not really lost any weight at all while training for this race)? Is it because I don’t cross train/strength train enough? Is it my nutrition? Am I just not mentally strong enough?

Or is this just the way marathon training goes?

Am I supposed to feel broken and demoralized? Am I supposed to be enjoying this? I enjoyed training for the half; it was hard and I struggled at times, but nothing like this. There are times I really just don’t enjoy running anymore; am I supposed to have my love for something diminished?

I admit, there is a little bit of “childbirth syndrome” that happens. By the time next weekend rolls around, I will have likely downplayed how negative I felt after this run this weekend, the memory will have faded a bit, which will be what spurs me to do the next run (although it will scare the hell out of me to attempt it, as do all my long runs).

I just want someone to tell me that it is all okay. That not everyone who trains for a marathon is skipping happily along the path, enjoying every step. That other people struggle. That other people get demoralized. That other people have times of weakness. That other people hobble around like an old, decrepit woman the afternoon after a long run.

I feel really alone right now in this training, and that is a bad place to be when you’ve gotta run 26.2 miles in less than 2 weeks.

 

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Stop Pretending Like You Care

Posted on July 19, 2017 by renbog

One of the people I follow on Instagram is Ashley Graham. If you don’t know who she is, she is a plus sized model — and I hate having to use that qualifier. Why can’t we just say model? The main reason I follow her is because she is beautifully accepting and unapologetic about her body. Got a little roll or some cellulite? No need to hide it — it’s part of you, so love it! It’s such a great, healthy attitude to have. But we live in a world of trolls it seems, and anytime there is some person or organization daring to say that some woman who isn’t thin and free from any perceived imperfection is beautiful or sexy, there are always some people who have to stick their worthless two cents in. The comments usually are in this vein:

Stop promoting fat as beautiful.

And what’s really funny is the way these trolls say it. They never come out and say anything as direct and mean as the statement above. Instead, they use a different path. The path of, “Being fat is so unhealthy. I only care about her (whoever that fat chick is) health.”

Hahaha. No.

You can look at a picture of a woman who is overweight and try to make all the snap judgments you want, but you really have no idea about someone’s health. I can hold myself up as an example. My BMI is 35, which puts me in the “obese” category. I don’t smoke. I don’t drink excessively. I don’t have high blood pressure. I don’t have diabetes. I don’t have high cholesterol. I don’t have sleep apnea. I don’t take any prescription medications. I exercise a minimum of 4 days a week (in fact, I ran 5 miles this morning). Now, I admit, I have issues with my knee — I had knee surgery for a torn meniscus in March. But really, by all indicators — except my BMI, I’m healthy. I have friends who are in what would be considered a healthy weight range according to their BMI, but they smoke or have high blood pressure or never exercise. But they’re considered healthy because they are thin.

You can’t look at a person and decide if they are healthy or not simply based on outward appearance. That would mean I’m unhealthy and the smoking, drinking, sedentary thin people are the healthy ones — simply because they are thin.

Hahahaha. No.

So to those people who like to comment that the world is glorifying being fat, and it’s so wrong to make being unhealthy like that okay, I say BS. I see through your crap. You just don’t like looking at fat people. You think they’re gross and ugly and should be ashamed of themselves.

Quit making a woman’s worth in the size of her body.

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Running Musings

Posted on June 21, 2017 by renbog

I started my training for the Chicago Marathon at the beginning of May. It has been a bumpy ride so far, but I keep on chugging along. As I was working on my 4 miles this morning, I realized that this training is NOTHING like my training for the Chicago Half Marathon I ran in 2015. When I trained for the half, my runs were challenging, but overall most of them were not hard. So far, training for the full, practically EVERY run has been hard. Every step is work — including on my short runs. I obsess about my pace — which I also did when I trained for the half. But once they upped the minimum pace time to 15 minute miles, I knew I was fine since I was running 12 – 13 minute miles (I’m not a fast runner, and I don;t apologize for that). The minimum pace time is the same for the full marathon, but I am struggling with getting to a 15 minute mile. Most of mine are in the 15:30 range. This is partly due to the run/walk intervals I am using and partly because of the fact that I had knee surgery in March and my knee is still acting up to this day (I’m guessing my knee would be lots better if I quit this running nonsense) and partly because I lost my conditioning since I got hurt in February and did n;t start to run again until May. I feel tons of pressure to run this race. I didn’t decide to do it in time to get my name in the lottery so I am running now for a charity — which I really have no issue with since it’s a charity I’ve been involved with before, one that I believe in. But the pressure comes from knowing I have to fundraise a nice chunk of money regardless of whether or not I run this race. If I get hurt, I am still on the hook for the fundraising, so I feel pressure to run the race since that was my impetus for the fundraising all along (by the way, I am training with Team in Training to raise funds for Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, and here’s a link if you’d care to donate). So while this training might be lots and lots of work, I just keep my eyes on the prize — and keep icing my knee 🙂

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My Reasons Why: Thirteen Reasons Why

Posted on April 28, 2017 by renbog

Note: I am not an expert in drug or alcohol counseling. I am not a psychiatrist, psychologist, social worker, or any other kind of counselor. I do not have any expertise in assisting suicidal individuals. All I am is a parent, a teacher, a woman, and a human with more empathy than I can stand sometimes. 

There has been a lot of controversy surrounding the Netflix series 13 Reasons Why since its release at the end of March. As someone who read the book a number of years ago, I was pleased to find that this important story was being brought to life. I remember reading the book and thinking how important it was in the lessons it taught. That’s why I was glad to see it was being made into a series; I knew those messages could reach a really wide audience.

Since the controversy really reached a fever pitch with the release of the series, I guess I’ll focus in that instead of the book, although that ends up on banned/challenged lists pretty regularly.

The very things that people object to in the series are the very things that I think make the series so important and powerful. Here are the things I think the series teaches us:

  • Suicide is not a solution.
  • Suicide is not glamorous.
  • Suicide is not romantic.
  • Suicide is not beautiful.
  • Kids, especially teens, go through things that adults have no concept of at all.
  • Drugs and alcohol don’t make problems go away.
  • Sexting is a real problem and a real threat.
  • Slut shaming and victim blaming are real, and it is perpetrated by just as many females as males.
  • The concept of consent for sex is frighteningly unclear for both males and females.
  • Schools and teachers can play a key role in teaching teens about all of the above points.

These are all things that people have raised objections to with this series. My thoughts, for what they are worth:

  • This series does not do anything to show suicide in a positive light in any way, shape, or form. We know from the very first minute of episode one what Hannah is going to do. We all wish from that very first minute that it won;t end that way. Never once is there a message that Hannah did the right thing by killing herself. Always, always, the viewer wants desperately for Hannah to get help. I sometimes found myself wishing I could help her — and she’s a fictional character. Suicide is not glamorized, romanticized, or beautified at all. Instead, it is shown as sad, lonely, terrifying, and preventable. Viewers see all the places where Hannah could have gotten help if only someone had taken the time to just dig a little deeper, pry into her life a little bit.
  • The graphic nature of the rapes and Hannah’s suicide are not gratuitous. Instead, they should be seen for what they are: glossed over re-enactments of horrific things that happen in real life. To anyone who says those scenes are too graphic and horrible to watch, I say how horrible would it be to experience these things in real life? For most of us, it is unimaginable. I have never been raped, but I’m betting my imagination isn’t remotely close to how terrifying it really is. I’ve never attempted suicide or even felt suicidal, but I’m betting my imagination isn’t even close to how miserable one must feel, how alone and hopeless one must feel to make an attempt, much less a successful attempt. Look away from these scenes if you must when watching the series; just be glad you don’t have to live them personally.
  • Hannah’s suicide scene is not a how-to video. To me, it seemed to be more of a why-not-to video. If anyone actually thought there might be some beauty, glamour, or romance in it, well, I think that went right out the window after watching that scene.

Now, a couple caveats.

  • Of course this should not be watched by everyone. I have a nephew who is in 3rd grade. No way in hell should he watch this. But a middle school kid or a high school kid? I’ve got no issues with kids that age watching this series — but here’s the catch: they need to have someone to watch it with them and talk with them about it. For these powerful messages to really take root, they’ve got to be helped along. Parents can do that. What parent DOESN’T want their kids to learn that suicide is a terrible choice? What parent DOESN’T want their son or daughter to understand what real consent for sex looks like? What parent DOESN’T want to tell their teens that using drugs or alcohol to numb the pain of life’s problems isn’t a real solution?
  • Of course this shouldn’t be watched by people who are in such a mental or emotional state that they are already contemplating suicide. Once someone is seriously considering this, they are clearly not thinking clearly or rationally anymore. I’m guessing that unless you’ve been in that state, you can’t figure out how suicide makes any sense at all. Watching this series is not going to give anyone a new idea. Nobody is going to decide that suicide is a great plan after watching this. But for someone who has already started to head down that road of thought, it might not come across as the tragic story it is.
  • If parents don’t want to help their kids learn some of these tough lessons, schools can do it. There are trained professionals in schools who can help kids navigate these situations. It’s not bad for schools to let kids know that suicide is not a good choice, or that using drugs is dangerous, or that a girl who is unconscious is unable to consent to sex. I can’t understand why anyone wouldn’t want messages like this reinforced as often as possible.
  • Parents always have the right to decide what is appropriate fir their kids to see or experience. Parents who decide their 11 year old is too young to watch the series or are concerned about how watching it might impact their 16 year old daughter who was a victim of date rape last summer have legitimate concerns. But what I can’t understand is people who think the series is offensive or dirty, and that’s why they don;t want their kids to watch it. Parents who ignore the fact that some teens drink alcohol, do drugs, are bullied or otherwise victimized, or find themselves in sexual situations — consensual and non-consensual — do their kids zero favors.

The teenage years are the ones where kids start to try out their adult behaviors. What they learn carries over into their adult lives. The messages that can be found in 13 Reasons Why are powerful and impactful, but they can be found in other places, too. If you don’t want to use this series as a jumping off point to start a dialogue, then find something else. But please don’t ignore it or sweep it aside. And don’t criticize parents who do see value in sharing the lessons from this series with their kids.

Common Sense Media often has information that is worth checking out. Check out what they have to say about this series.

There is also a blog post on Education Week that is worth reading. It offers multiple perspectives on the series. It’s a long read but worth the time. I believe that a subscription to Ed Week is  not necessary to read this post.

 

Posted in Rants, Social Issues | 2 Comments

An A-Ha Moment Via Howard, Robin, and James

Posted on February 18, 2017 by renbog

I have a short drive to work so I don’t get to listen to much radio on the way there. But this week I caught a few minutes of an interview Howard Stern did with James Corden. As a side note, I absolutely ADORE listening to any interview Howard Stern does. He is a terrific interviewer, asking questions no one else would ever ask, drawing stories and emotions out of the people he interviews that are so engaging. So when I stumble upon any Howard Stern interview, regardless of how I feel about whom he;s interviewing, I listen. And in the few minutes I got of James Cordon, I got a gem, a real a-ha moment.

James Corden is probably best known for his carpool karaoke clips (not gonna lie, my favorite is the one below). So maybe it’s hard to believe that there could be any meaningful revelations gleaned from him, especially while talking to Howard Stern. But it happened.

Stern asked James Corden about his lavish wedding. Corden confirmed it cost £250,000 (which today equates to $310,300). That’s a LOT of money. And many would say it’s a grotesque amount of money to spend on a wedding — or anything else for that matter. Stern pointed that put to Corden, and that’s when he said something that made me go, “Whoa.”

Corden’s response was, “I’d rather waste money than time.” (You can see the quote and some more context of that quote in this article.)

All I could think was, “Yes! That’s so right!” People, including myself, worry so much about money and making sure we have enough of it — but how much is actually enough? Does anyone ever say, “Finally! I’ve got enough money!” Probably not.

But if anyone else is like me, you probably don’t wring your hands anywhere near as much over time. Sure, we all feel like we don’t have enough time sometimes — not enough time to get the laundry done, not enough time to get the kids from school to some after-school event, not enough time with a loved one we lose. But chances are, none of us worry about time the way we worry about money.

And just as I’m letting this revelation sink in, Robin Quivers pipes up in the background with ANOTHER gem that probably got lost in the conversation between Stern and Corden. I can’t remember exactly what she said, but it was something to the effect of, “You can always get more money, but you can’t get more time.” How right she is. People can horde money all they want, but you can’t horde time. You can save money all you want for the future, tucking it away safely in a bank or some investment to get you even more money, but you can’t bank time or earn more time in dividends. We all have the same number of minutes in a day, and we never know when those minutes might not be there anymore.

So I don’t think people should spend money frivolously or spend without regard. But surely we should stop giving up something that is going to make a wonderful experience or memory because money is more important. When it’s all said and done, and you’re in the last moments of your life, what is going to bring a smile to your face — the beautiful memories of the life you lived or the knowledge that you’re leaving loads of money behind you that you can’t have anymore?

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2017: Make it So

Posted on January 2, 2017 by renbog

Making new year resolutions is a common practice. Normally, I don’t make resolutions because I really hate setting myself up for failure! But this year, I decided to try something different: I’m going to make my resolutions and I’m going to write them down and share them — hence this post! My hope is that by writing them down and making them public, I stand a better chance of keeping them. So here goes — the ambitious and the mundane.

1.) Take my running to a new level by training for and completing the Chicago Marathon. I find that I am better about taking care of myself when I am training for an event, and I’ve had a hankering to run the marathon ever since I ran the Chicago Half Marathon in 2015. I missed the deadline to get my name in the lottery, so I need to run for a charity, which I really don’t mind — so I chose Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. I’ve done fundraising for them in the past; they’re a great charity. So now I’ve got to find myself a good training plan and get to it! By the way, here’s a link to my fundraising page if you care to donate.

2.) Eat better. At one of my Weight Watchers meetings, the leader told us that we should ask ourselves this question before we eat anything: Is this food worthy of me? I am going to start asking that all the time. I am amazed at how easily I was able to slip back into my atrocious eating habits over the holidays. I am eating so many things that just aren’t worthy of me. Time to respect my body by making sure it is nourished with things that are going to be of value to me.

3.) Lose weight. See 1 and 2 above. By focusing less on losing weight and more on moving and being active and eating the right way, I’m hoping I lose the weight I want to so desperately lose.

4.) Clean up my mouth. No, I don;t mean I’m going to stop swearing — that’s way too big an order for me 🙂 Two years ago, I broke one of my top front teeth. I was horrified. I had this ugly, gaping hole right in the front of my mouth. The tooth that broke was actually one that had a crown on it, and apparently the crown had cracked so the tooth under the crown had slowly decayed until it broke right off. Had I been going to the dentist regularly, that would have been discovered before I lost the tooth. I vowed after getting the tooth fixed that I would get over my fear of going to the dentist and take care of my teeth. I did that until this past fall, when I had to cancel and appointment to get my teeth cleaned. I haven’t rescheduled it yet, I’m not using my SonicCare toothbrush, I’m not flossing — and if I keep that up, I’m headed for something bad, I just know it. So, back to taking good care of my chompers!

5.) Work on my novel. I tried to work on it in November, but just was too busy to get much done. I’m going to try to carve time out every month to write.

6.) Declutter. I’ve got way too much stuff and it makes me anxious — I want to get myself down to just the things I need and have a real love for. Again, I’ll try to carve time out every week to do this — even if it’s just clean out one drawer.

Here’s to 2017 — may all my resolutions be resolved!

Posted in Emotional Outlet, Uncategorized | 1 Comment

My Year in Review — 2016

Posted on December 25, 2016 by renbog

It’s that time of year again where I indulge my self-absorbed side and review the year that has just passed, and I drag you along for the ride. As I was reflecting on what I would write about, I was pleased to realize that 2017 was a pretty good year. Not too many negative things happened, so this post should be a pleasure to write! So here are 10 things that are meaningful to me from this past year, in no particular order, except I’m gonna get the yucky things done first!

1.) Jim got hit by a car. While this is something we can all kind of joke about now, when it happened, it was not so funny. It was actually quite fortunate that the driver was not going too fast so Jim was not seriously hurt. But that does not mean that moving on past this has been a piece of cake. This happened in August, and Jim needed shoulder surgery and he is still in physical therapy from the surgery. The medical bills are impressive, I must say. And like I said, he wasn’t really hurt too seriously. I can only imagine what the bills would be had he been hurt badly. As a result of the accident and the resulting surgery, Jim was unable to run the Chicago Half Marathon, for which he had completed 9 out of 12 weeks of training. I guess this just gives him something to aim for next year, right?

2.) Family friends experience a trauma and devastating loss. My oldest and very dear friend, Jennifer, called me on a beautiful spring morning to tell me that her eldest daughter had been seriously burned in a fire at her apartment and her grandson, a mere toddler, had died in the fire. It was news that sent my dear friends reeling and me feeling at a loss as to how to help. When the agony is palpable, transmits itself in the air between you and the person you are friends with, you desperately want to help and ease that pain, but you feel helpless because it’s so hard to do, if it even can be done. It pains me to see my friends, who are really more like family, go through this kind of hell, but I will continue to try to be supportive of them because, like I said, Jennifer and her family are really my family, too.

3.) Donald Trump elected President. Sorry to all my friends and family who supported Trump because you really thought he was the best/a good candidate — I’m gonna say some not-so-nice things about him. That being said, I will temper what I say because he IS the President-elect and I have great respect for the office and job, if not always the person holding that office. This Presidential election was the most gut-wrenching I have ever experienced. I have never seen our society so bitterly and viciously divided, and if I’m being honest, I have felt and experienced that divisiveness on a personal level with some family and friends. I have found myself feeling hostile and being hostile toward people I care deeply about — all because of politics. I think Trump is a poor choice to lead our country because he lacks character, in the simplest terms, and so many people in society find horrible behavior from themselves and others to be acceptable because of the example and tone that has been set by Trump’s election. I thought the vitriol would diminish after the election, but I’m wrong about that. It’s still as bad as ever, and I pretty much keep my opinions to myself because I don’t want to deal with the hateful, mean things said to me if I share my opinion anyway. It’s really quite sad.

4.) I turned 50. Actually, this wasn’t as bad as anticipated. I got way less grief this birthday that I did when I turned 40. But there’s something about that number that sounds so old. I don’t feel old. Other people I know who are 50 or in their 50’s don’t seem old to me. But I still have a hard time processing that number in my brain.

5.) Dad comes home from India. After working in Mumbai, India, for almost 5 years, my father has finally returned home to the United States. Part of me is a little sad about this. It was cool to hear the stories my father shared of life in Mumbai. I felt sad for the people who live there that had become staples in my father’s life, that the relationships they all had were changing so drastically — not ending, but becoming truly long distance friendships. But a big part of me rejoices that he is here, where I can call him without having to do a bunch of math in my head to calculate the time difference, where he’s not living alone, where either of us could jump on a plane and get to the other if the need arises (like his cardiac arrest last year).When it’s all said and done, he’s back in the States where he belongs, and I am very glad for that.

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Dinner with my dad and my family for Christmas.

6.) Becky graduates from college. In May, my beautiful, smart, kind, caring daughter graduated from college. It was a momentous occasion — one I dreamed about from the time she was a baby. I have never been more proud to be her mom as I was that day. She overcame a lot of obstacles and fears and insecurities to get to that day. Her graduation was so impactful, I wrote about it.

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My beautiful daughter the day she graduated form college.

7.) My job got exponentially fun. I transitioned back to being the full time Instructional Technology Resource Teacher this school year, and I hate to break this news to all the teachers I work with — but I have THE BEST JOB in the whole school district! Things really started to turn when our new superintendent came on board last school year — he had a really inspiring vision for our district that really gelled with what I had been dreaming about as a dream workplace. This year we hired a Director of 21st Century Learning who is so inspiring professionally. I have learned so much from him in such a short amount of time. We have made so many changes in our district over the past year and a half, and the teachers I work with are simply amazing. They roll with the changes so well — and they could be really crabby about the changes and be totally justified, but they’re not! They are adventurous and taking risks and creative and innovative. They are the reason I have the best job in the district — I get the honor of working with them on so many fabulous lessons, they let me come into their classrooms and teach their kids, and they make me have fun while I work. I am so incredibly fortunate to be a person who loves going to work every day.

8.) A changing relationship with my brother. My brother Joe and I have always gotten along, but if I’m being honest, we haven’t been terribly close. I always wanted a brother who was a friend, but I had no idea how to do that. I was envious of other brother-sister relationships I would see, like my cousins Robyn and Peter or my friends Jenny and Jeff. But somehow, this year, I have felt a shift in our relationship. It’s like suddenly we realize we like each other and we have things in common that can bind us as friends. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and I really am enjoying being friends with my brother.

9.) Robyn: cousin and co-worker. My cousin Robyn got a job working as a building-level technology specialist at one of the schools in my district. I love that we get to see each other and talk to each other more often and that she gets to be part of my work world, which I love (see #7 above). It gives us a whole new set of things that we have in common! It is such fun being able to work with her!

10.) Chicago Cubs win the World Series. For as long as I’ve known my husband, he has wanted me to like baseball and hockey. I finally got caught up in hockey probably 4 or 5 years ago, but baseball has always been a yawner of a sport for me. Until this year. I got caught up in the fun and excitement of the wild ride that was the 2016 Chicago Cubs. It kicked in near the end of the regular season, crescendoed during the playoffs, and bubbled over during the World Series. Yes, I am a bandwagon fan, and I’m not ashamed to admit it (as a quick side note: the established Cubs fans were much more welcoming to the band wagoners like me than the established Blackhawks fans were to the people who jumped on that bandwagon — thanks, Cubs fans, for accepting me so readily into the fold). So now I’m learning to like baseball, and my husband is not happy about it. The problem is he always said he wanted me to like baseball; he never said he wanted me to like his baseball team, which is the Chicago White Sox. Be careful what you wish for, Jim, because you just might get it. #GoCubsGo

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My Christmas gift from my dad — he’s the lone Cubs fan in my family!

Posted in Emotional Outlet, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Trick or Treat

Posted on September 21, 2016 by renbog

Updated October 13, 2025

It’s that time of year — pumpkin spice lattes are available everywhere and people are planning their Halloween costumes for trick or treating and parties. What do you want to be this year? A princess? Cheerleader? Ghost? Witch? Or maybe you’re going to simply wear a Trump mask or a Hillary mask? Or maybe you can come up with something clever like my co-worker’s teen son did — he wrapped a big box in wrapping paper and put a big bow on it, cut arm and head holes in it, and wore it. The tag on the gift box said, “To: women, From: God.”

Maybe you’ve decided to go with one of those pre-packaged costumes that you can buy at stores all over the place. No shame in that — many of my daughter’s costumes were like that because I’m just not a crafty kind of mom. There are all sorts of great pre-packaged costumes. Maybe you’re going to go out and get one that’s really funny, like a straight jacket-looking kind of costume! What better time of year than Halloween to really play on the hilarity of crazy people, right? But maybe making fun of people with mental illness is not your cup of tea. Maybe you can find one of these costumes:

  • Cancer patient — comes with a hospital gown, bald head wig, an emesis basin, and rubber vomit — HILARIOUS!
  • Polio victim — nothing but a couple of leg braces to wear and some crutches to carry — cheap AND funny!
  • Dead cop: a simple police man costume, except the shirt is riddled with fake blood-stained bullet holes — guaranteed to bring a smile to everyone’s face!
  • Rape victim — a cute dress (available in a variety of colors to match YOUR college or university’s colors!) that comes out of the package rumpled and dirt stained, along with a messy wig that has twigs and leaves in in, including a makeup kit for you to create your own scratches and bruises wherever you want — face, neck, arms, inner thighs! — SO clever and timely!
  • Holocaust victim — striped pajamas and a fake tattoo of a number for you to put on your arm — historical AND hilarious!
  • Maybe you could steal an idea from the people who thought the Twin Towers burning with people jumping from them was complete hilarity. (The link I used to have here to this article was from 2016 so it’s no longer available, but there are still references to this “hilarity” if you do a Google search.)

You see, for some reason, people who are mentally ill are funny — so funny that companies make costumes so we can pretend to be them or haunted houses are “haunted asylums”. But here’s the thing — mental illness is not any more funny or joke-worthy than people with cancer or polio, or dead police officers, or rape victims, or Holocaust victims, or the people who died on 9/11. Somehow most of us find all of those other costume ideas to be in bad taste, even offensive, but the straight jacket is okay and funny? Or a haunted house with mentally ill “patients” is funny or entertaining somehow? I don’t get it.

I’ve learned over the past few years to be a little more aware and a little more sensitive to this topic as my friend Laura so graciously and generously shared her son Zac with all of us. Zac had schizophrenia, and Laura was brutally honest about what life was like for Zac, and what life was like for her caring for and loving a child who was mentally ill. And, yes, I’ve been using past tense because Laura lost her son in 2015.

Zac was mentally ill. But his illness was just as real as any other illness — it just didn’t show itself as obviously physically as other illnesses do, like cancer. It also doesn’t garner the sympathy and understanding other “invisible” illnesses do, like diabetes. Nobody is doing fundraisers at schools to help cure brain illnesses. No one is sponsoring 5K’s for mental illnesses. But mental illness affects real people. It’s not a funny illness, and those who have it are not funny people because of it. They don’t deserve ridicule. They deserve to be treated with respect and dignity and a healthy dose of understanding — just like any person does.

Before people start getting at me with the, “Oh quit being so sensitive/people are too easily offended these days/get over it,” rebuttals, let me say that I’m not saying that people — you included — can’t wear a straight jacket costume or a dead cop costume or a burning Twin Towers costume. By all means, go right ahead. But don’t YOU get all butthurt when other people are offended and have the audacity to call you out on your insensitivity. You are free to express yourself, but so is everyone else. Wearing costumes like these says a whole lot more about you than it does about the people you are poking fun at.

Posted in Rants, Social Issues, Uncategorized | 6 Comments