If I could change one thing about myself, I would try to be less of a people pleaser, less non-confrontational. I have done a lot of things in my life that I didn’t want to do because I was afraid to tell people no or I was afraid people would be mad at me. I have maintained toxic relationships because of it. I have hurt people I love deeply because of it. I have tried to be more assertive, but it just makes me so uncomfortable. I actually feel myself becoming physically ill when I think about having to confront someone or stand up for myself. I don’t know why I am like this, and I am not sure how to change it — it’s not as simple as just starting to be assertive. But if I could change anything about myself, that would be it.
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The View from the Cheap Seats 
Well, I don’t think it’s as simple ask being assertive or submissive. Sometimes when you disagree with someone about an issue you may feel it is important for them to hear your thoughts and consider change. In this case you should be assertive. If you think being assertive would hurt the other person’s feelings and they are someone you love or care about, you could just say nothing. Sometimes saying nothing can send a message that you disagree but you choose not to elaborate. You aren’t being submissive in this case just not confrontational. I think you are feeling bad when you disagree with someone and you just kind of agree with them or give them the impression that what they think is OK. Sometimes you have to pick you battles.
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